11 On My Own

Guess whose finished project this is?

2012-02-09T17:16:00.000-05:00

Yeah, that's right! It's mine! Sally succeeded in teaching me how to sew. So, you can teach an old dog new tricks. This is my very first sewing project ever. It was a relatively simple jumper pattern. Well, for me, it can't be too simple. I used a machine. I hand-sewed a hem. I put in snaps so it can be a jumper or a skirt. I'm pretty proud of myself!

Next up - knitting...

2012-02-07T20:37:00.000-05:00

Septuagesima Sunday

2012-02-06T17:53:00.000-05:00

These two and a half weeks--Septuagesima to Ash Wednesday--serve as a time of transition for the soul, which must pass from Christmas joys to the stern penance of the sacred forty days of Lent. The fast is not yet an obligation, but the color of the vestments is already violet. The Gloria
during Holy Mass is suspended, and the martyrology introduces
Septuagesima Sunday as that Sunday on which "we lay aside the song of the
Lord which is Alleluia." There it would remain until Easter, when,
in a triumphant tone of voice, the priest would intone, for the first
time after forty days, a three-fold Alleluia. -from Around the Year with the Trapp Family (one of my favorites)

In these weeks of the pre-Lenten season, the mother of the family has
much to teach her children. She will introduce them to the meaning of the
color of violet in church. She will prepare them for the forty sacred
days of retreat, and will help them to formulate their Lenten
resolutions, which should be written on a sheet of paper and placed on
the house altar. It is important that Lenten resolutions do not use the
negative approach only, such as, "I won't do this" and "I won't do that."
They should start positively, with "I will use these three books" (this
as soon as the child can read); "I will use the time I save by abstaining
from ~~television~~ videos (we don't have television) for this and this...."

It is a precious time, a time for the mother to introduce her children to
the three ancient good works--prayer, fasting, and giving of alms--with
which we can atone for our sins. It will take root in young hearts, never
to be forgotten.
Recently I was chatting with a priest-friend, and the discussion turned to spiritual reading. Maria von Trapp recommends that everyone old enough should read three seperate books during Lent, one for the heart, one for the mind, and one for the soul. My priest friend told me I should read Introduction to the Devout Life and The Imitation of Christ. I told him I had. He told me to read them again. And again. And the Gospels. And the Gospels again. And I will.

But... as I have an inquenchable (unquenchable?) desire for knowledge, and most especially, wisdom- I would like other suggestions for what to read during Lent, that will make me grow in holiness and virtue. Please?

Let me know what you all are reading!

Candlemas

2012-02-02T11:49:00.001-05:00

In Poland, the candles brought from home to be blessed are decorated with symbols and ribbons. There, the custom is to let a blessed candle burn all night tonight before an icon of Our Lady who, when the world still had forests, was relied upon to keep the wolves away during these cold nights. Now, our "wolves" tend to be of a different sort, but the pious burning of a blessed candle tonight, with prayers offered to Our Lady, still might help keep them at bay. This tradition gives Candlemas its Polish name -- "Matka Boska Gromniczna," or "Mother of God of the Blessed Thunder Candle."

So lately we have been reading this and this and watching this, and figuring what to do with myself now that the school I had planned to attend the end of this month doesn't want us. Derek and I had planned to attend together, as it was a long commute and as it was both of our thing, yet they had a problem with Derek being homeschooled and so they rescinded their orientation invitation to me, and told us "the decision wasn't easy," but have a nice day.

In 2000, my oldest went to the University of Hartford and transferred to Boston College, neither of which had a problem with homeschoolers. My second oldest went to Eastern CT State University and transferred to Providence College. No problems with homeschoolers there, either. My next three (including Derek) went to Community College. Not a problem. But some 18-month private Massachusetts school that is teaching a trade, is going to have an issue. They could have told me before I had the physicals, filled out the fafsas, forwarded all of our transcripts, procured the letters of recommendation, and wrote the essays. Not to mention making two trips up there.

Anyway, Blessed Candlemas! I'm not giving up. It was not God's will.

Finished project #2

2012-02-01T18:48:00.000-05:00

Trinity, eight-years-old, has just completed her jumper that she works on once a week at Sally's. It is very impressive, if I do say so. She cut the pattern, pinned and basted, used the machine, and hand-sewed the hem.

Oh, and we're babysitting Deckles tonight. Isn't he adorable? He's almost three-months-old.

Recap of the month (in spending)

2012-01-31T09:46:00.000-05:00

It started off well, and looked as if I could feed 11 people for the $640 I am given to do so. And of course the bulk grains I purchase to supplement and stretch, which were $80 added to that helped a great deal, but I still ended up spending $86 in extra grocery purchases to complete a meal with what I had, and I paid $77 for take-out Chinese one night because a visiting priest didn't want to eat the curried cauliflower and sweet potatoes over quinoa I had prepared for dinner that night. Oh, and the pizza we ordered a couple days ago because the kids had some friends over, and my cupboard the last week of the month is not just bare, it's buck-naked. Besides, isn't hospitality what's important?

So, grand total for the month of food: $949 for 11 people and whoever else happened to stop by.

A couple of days ago, however, I got the inevitable and totally expected letter from Support Enforcement stating the tbj has left his most recent job. This means that for the last 3 1/2 months, that I was actually receiving child support, we were living like kings (being as we are not used to receiving child support) and now that there will be no money for God only knows how long, anyone who happens to stop by between the hours of 5:00 p.m. and 6:30, will be forced to eat quinoa or go hungry.

Of course it had to happen in the winter. In January I paid $379 for a tank of oil (100 gallons minimum) on each side of our house. (We have two oil tanks and two electric bills for those of you who are new here, as our home is a converted two-family). Plus an additional $25 when my second check bounced yesterday. So, $783 for the month (which wasn't as cold as it could be in New England) for heat. It works out that one side of the house, which has a brand new furnace and controls the washing machine and bathtub, needs to be filled about every other month. The other side which is the kitchen and two showers, needs to be filled every month, as the furnace is somewhat older. Oil is killing me! And yes, I applied for energy assistance months ago - and am still waiting.

Which has led me to sell some stuff on Ebay (not that there is much left I haven't sold here and there for the past 5 years). Have you tried Ebay lately? I haven't, and wow, it has changed. And absolutely not for the better. I listed 20 articles of Polish Folk Costume items. Back from 3 1/2 years ago when the kids were in a Polish Ordination. They obviously don't fit anymore. So I list 20 items and am told that my limits have been met for the month. Okay. 8 items sold, on Saturday. I have been paid for 2. Paypal tells me that my funds will be released sometime around February 19th. All of the other buyers have contacted me, to bargain about items that didn't sell or barter me down in shipping costs. Mama Mia, I will receive a whopping 100 bucks the end of February, if my customers who paid are satisfied.And if they're not? Thanks, Ebay. For nothing!

Then there is the fact that there are absolutely no jobs anywhere in my vicinity. Nothing. I have three children desperately searching, as well as myself, and have received several suggestions from well-meaning friends about what I should do with myself, but every last one of those suggestions involve a start-up fee. And sales in NOT my thing. I am way too shy.

I will hopefully be starting school the end of next month, however. If my car will last. My gas gauge is broken and every 100 miles I put in $30 and hope for the best. Plus I have a slow leak in my back tire. Not to mention 208K. But she's a trooper, I'm optimistic. Now I have to calm the palpitations I get when I think of the student loan papers I will have to sign at orientation, and find myself an internship - soon.

Sorry this was so rambly. The whole purpose of this post was to point out that one can survivie on practically nothing, but then life happens and makes the best-laid plans inconsequential.

One last thing - Happy Birthday, Mom! You would have been 79 today. I miss you constantly. Please put in a good word with the Big Guy for me, and a little intercession from St. John would be nice, too!

Psalm 90

2012-01-30T09:49:00.000-05:00

Is one of my very favorites. It was the first in this morning's Lauds. Here is an excerpt:

You sweep men away like a dream,
like grass which springs up in the morning.
In the morning it springs up and flowers:
by evening it withers and fades.
We never know how long we have, and even if we are blessed with a long life, it is still such a brief time.
So we are destroyed in your anger,
struck with terror in your fury.
Our guilt lies open before you;
our secrets in the light of your face.
We can't hide anything from God, He knows our innermost thoughts and sins.
All our days pass away in your anger.
Our life is over like a sigh.
Our span is seventy years
or eighty for those who are strong.

And most of these are emptiness and pain.
They pass swiftly and we are gone.
Who understands the power of your anger
and fears the strength of your fury?

Make us know the shortness of our life
that we may gain wisdom of heart.
Lord, relent! Is your anger for ever?
Show pity to your servants.

In the morning, fill us with your love;
we shall exult and rejoice all our days.
Give us joy to balance our affliction
for the years when we knew misfortune.
I really need to pray this last paragraph today. I need to feel and show more joy. Things have been difficult lately. There are many reasons, much of which is my own anxiety. I should know by now that the Lord has always provided for us, and always will. Yet, my mother's heart still can't totally wrap itself around the concept of "Pray, Hope, Don't Worry."

Happy Birthday, Ian

2012-01-26T15:52:00.000-05:00

Today Ian turns 22. In keeping with tradition, he gets a gift, a dinner out with Mom, his picture taken at a studio, and his choice of cake. He picked pound cake for the latter, which is Sally's specialty (I found out yesterday), and which she hand-delivered last night. Seeing as though it will be a late night (The Irish Pub is the restaurant ;) and the kids wanted to eat cake, too) we had dessert for lunch. It was delicious! And means I will be ordering the salad later!

He wanted the Mundelein Psalter for a gift. Seeing as how we pray Lauds and Vespers daily, we might as well chant them, right?

If this enlarges when clicked on, you can see the awesomeness of the Psalter, its dual translation. Now all the kids will be wanting one!

One finished project

2012-01-25T16:49:00.000-05:00

I mentioned last week that all of us girls were learning to sew at Sally's. Also, that Cassidy was learning to knit, with homespun yarn from Sally's goats, no less. Shortly before Christmas, Cassidy made a scarf, her first-ever knitted project. The sweater she is wearing above is her second. I think it's amazing. Cables and all. I certainly couldn't do it. She finished today while I was pulling out some thread I mis-sewed on the jumper I'm making. I watched her knit the neck with four needles while I waited my turn for Sally to help me navigate a pocket. Perhaps someday I'll have a picture of my own to show, but for now I'm quite proud of these!

Conundrum of the day

2012-01-22T13:40:00.000-05:00

To dye or not to die? I wish this blog had a survey attachment. In my quest to be as natural and organic as fiscally possible, I am now debating as to what to do with my hair. I know. There are much more important things to worry about. I worry about them all. I would simply like some opinions, as I have this horrible problem of not ever being able to make a decision when it comes to me.

I know several women my age who have chosen not to go down the artificial path, and they look beautiful. They are completely gray in some cases and it works for them. These women have children younger than mine, and they still appear youthful despite their gray heads. I know some women my age who remain natural and they look much older. A few of my friends have gone partially gray and seem not to give it a second thought. I have friends several years older who dye and look completely normal and natural with their hair coloring. I have friends who dye and look totally phony.

Walmart has non-ammonia hair coloring for $3.97 a box, which I could squeeze into my ultra-limited budget.

I have gray coming in on one side of my head, in the front. It sort of gives the appearance of my hair being lighter than usual. When it grows longer, it will most likely look odd, as the right side of my head, and the back of my head, don't show any signs of white.

See my predicament?

To color or not to color, that is today's question.

Sewing at Sally's

2012-01-18T18:20:00.001-05:00

So after 45 years, I have decided I need to learn how to sew. When I had the opportunity in school, I chose shop, instead. Back in those days I never had any intention of being one of those women. The ones who cook from scratch, hang out the laundry, make their own cleaning supplies, and like to stay home. The woman I have become, now that I know better.

The girls have been going to Sally's for awhile, learning how to knit and sew, garden, cook, and can. It's been amazing having Sally as a pseudo-Grandma, we are truly blessed. Then I got jealous, that my just turned-twelve-year-old daughter could knit a whole sweater, and I can't knit a straight line. (My excuse was always that I was left-handed, no one could ever teach me properly) but Cassidy is my left-handed child, so I couldn't go there!

Then my eight-year-old started making her own jumper. I could barely sew a button, and couldn't decipher a pattern if my life depended on it. So Sally kindly invited me this time, as well. Today I cut out my own pattern for a little girl's jumper. I am so excited!

Trinity's project

Courtney getting her's ready. She's making herself a dress, with sleeves and a collar, and button-holes, no less.

Cassidy's almost-finished sweater.

Jordan getting a little sewing machine help from Sarah. She's making a dress for her doll.

Readying a pattern.

Lucky doll.

So many projects going on at once!

Sally's house is so cool, and warm (if that makes sense). My kids want to live there.

Happy Birthday, Cassidy!

2012-01-14T19:35:00.001-05:00

Today was Cassidy's 12th birthday. We are starting a new tradition this year for everyone's birthday. The birthday child first off gets his or her picture taken at a portrait studio, which I haven't done in years. Years. Then that child gets to pick a restaurant for their birthday dinner alone with Mom. Cassidy chose this one, which is also my favorite! And better yet, I received a gift card there for Christmas. Then home for cake,

And a surprise visit from a favorite friar,

and a really cool present, which is going to be the start of something awesome, and will be shared shortly!

Contentment

2012-01-11T16:28:00.000-05:00

The question is, how do you gain the wisdom to know the difference? How do you learn to be content in whatever circumstances you find yourself? Because, what if you should really be doing something else? For instance, I can easily be content with eating oatmeal every morning, because it's cheap, I like it, and it's good for me. I accept that oatmeal is pretty much what's for breakfast.

Maybe it's just that I am lacking courage. I am afraid to step out of this house into a career field that will bring me mounds of debt into late middle age. When my oldest son carried student loans back in 2000, his monthly payment was $14. If I started school next month, in my dream career, my monthly payment would be around $240, or more. That's more than my electric bill. That would be a nice car payment, when it comes time to replace my 13-year-old Suburban, that's barely functioning. And if I don't find a job? Then the interest accumulates until I do.

So, do I stay content making minimum wage? Or do I content myself in a field that I don't enjoy?

I have to accept the fact that I will very likely never have the love of a man who accepts me for who I am, and will embrace my children, and share old age. I have to accept the fact that I will live on the verge of poverty until the end, as I have no skills outside of running a home and raising children, nor the money to acquire marketable skills. Or do I have the courage to change those things, too?

Lord, please help me to know what I can change and what I must be content with(out).

Day 7

2012-01-08T16:52:00.000-05:00

Breakfast: Eggs and sausage, and toast from my homemade bread, $1.00

Lunch: Potluck at the local Friary, where we received our blessed chalk and holy water for the Epiphany doorway blessing.

A stop on the way home to supplement a few things, stretch out the larder if you will, as I have more than enough to create several dinners, but am just missing a few key ingredients. I purchased a few boxes of pasta, to use in soups, some cans of beans to use in soups (I know dry is more cost-effective, but these were on sale for .70), butter, ketchup, and a few more cans of tomatoes. So far this month I have spent $240, and can plan a menu for the next 5 days, at least. So with a little help, we fed 11 people for 12 days at an average cost of $20/day. It can be done.

Day 6

2012-01-07T17:25:00.000-05:00

Today is very much a freebie! I don't know if that counts in my goal of feeding 11 on $640/month, and if I am allowed to put it towards my week, but here it is:

Breakfast: Pumpkin pie. It has all of the ingredients that pumpkin bread does right? Sort of reminiscent of Bill Cosby's chocolate cake for breakfast. $0

Lunch: Leftovers $0

Dinner: A very large beef stew, with my gift beef and community center carrots, onions, and potatoes. Two loaves of homemade bread. $2.00

So far, miscellaneous-wise, I had to purchase toilet paper (anyone know how to limit my kids' use of the stuff?), female supplies, three pairs of girls' tights, and lightbulbs. $30

And some crafting going on here:

Handmade soap made from coconut oil and coffee (the cheap stuff, but it gives it an awesome exfoliating property), and hand-crocheted cotton washcloths. They would make a nice gift, wouldn't they? Our next batch of soap features 100% cocoa. We are also crotcheting hats, and Cassidy is knitting herself a sweater, from hand-dyed spun goat-hair. I promise I will show pictures. I wish I was as talented as my children.

Little Addendum

2012-01-06T20:38:00.000-05:00

I just received a very nice Epiphany gift of 2 large packages of stew meat, a large package of ground beef, a large pork roast, 3 more dozen eggs, 5 pounds of cheddar cheese, and two boxes of cereal!

Thank you, N's! Love you guys!

Day 5

2012-01-06T18:42:00.001-05:00

Breakfast: What else?!

Lunch: Tuna sandwiches, $4.80 for 6 cans of tuna. $3.79 for a loaf of bread. $1.25 for some lettuce.

$9.84 for a not very satisfying lunch.

Dinner tonight was expensive, we had the tilapia, the sweet potatoes, and the collard greens. At $27.50 we had the most expensive day of all, $38.50.

I do love fish, and it is sooo expensive, and the sales are still expensive. I have never seen fish less than $5.99/lb. Fish sticks don't count. Oh well, this little experiment is helping me see where I over spend, and what is actually very cost-effective.

Another thing to mention, our town's community center gives away food on Friday afternoon, just to help out in this economy. All you have to do is sign up. Anyone can go. The food has reached its expiration date but is still good if you use it expediently, which is not a problem around here. Today we brought home a dozen cans of corn, two large bags of carrots, a bag of potatoes, 2 large bags of onions, a large bag of restaurant-sized (or our family sized) coleslaw mix, 3 dozen eggs, a loaf of bread, a pumpkin pie, several grapefruit, and apples, which were already eaten for an afternoon snack.

Happy Feast of Epiphany, everyone!

Day 4

2012-01-05T14:47:00.000-05:00

Breakfast: Typical Oatmeal, $1.17

Lunch: Quinoa pilaf (Saute a few carrots, celery stalks, and shallots, add quinoa and vegetable broth and simmer 20-30 minutes). If one uses store bought vegetable broth (because a certain daughter threw out the water from the last vegetables I steamed), the cost of lunch for 7 of us who were home today, with a couple flax muffins on the side: $6.00

Dinner: Vegetable soup and homemade bread. I can make two good-sized loaves of freshly ground wheat bread for $2.00. The soup is a couple cans of beans, a box of pasta, a can of tomatoes, and random assorted vegetables. A pot is about $6.00, give or take what veggies I throw in.

Today's total: $15.17

Day 3

2012-01-04T10:01:00.000-05:00

Started with menu math: if 50lbs of oatmeal costs $55.99, and we use 5 cups a morning, and a few teaspoons of brown sugar from a bag which costs $1.59, how much does breakfast cost? They weighed a cup of oats and a spoon of brown sugar and figured out that breakfast for 10 (Derek eats at work during the week), costs $1.17. Not bad.

Lunch: Another odd favorite, cheese and lettuce with mayo on bread (which I did not make due to several doctor appointments this week, I bought two loaves for emergencies). Cheese $5.38, Lettuce $1.25, Bread $3.79. Yikes! This lunch will be rare - at $10.42!

Good thing dinner is almost nothing - I was given a 14lb beef brisket from some local Friars, and with potatoes, and carrots, dinner for 11 with leftovers: $5.00.

Total for today, with OJ and tea - $19.54

Day 2

2012-01-03T18:38:00.001-05:00

Breakfast: English muffins that were given away at church, coffee I received for a Christmas present

Lunch: Lentils & rice, $1.00 for the lentils, $1.00 for the tomatoes, about .50 for the bulk rice,tea
Dinner: Cabbage noodles; my kids love this. It's simply sauteed red onion and sliced up cabbage mixed with egg noodles and butter, with grated cheese and pepper. We had some pickled eggs I made and canned over the summer with them, and the total cost for dinner: $8.80

The day's total: $11.80

So far this month, which I am also going to keep track of, is the miscellaneous expenditures I make. Feel free to comment and tell me where I can do without! I have spent $82 ordering 50 lbs of wheat and 25 lbs of cornmeal, it's the lowest price I have found out there, as shipping is only 4.99. Most bulk places charge more to ship than the cost of the grain. I spent $10 on paper towels, plastic bags, and notebook paper for school, and today I spent $30 ordering seeds for spring planting, at Fedco.

Some resolutions

2012-01-02T18:27:00.001-05:00

First: I am going to watch every single penny. Not that I don't, but I still think there are many more things I can do without. I will let you know as I go. Everything is so darned expensive these days, especially food. So the first thing is an experiment. I have a budget of $640/month to feed 11 people, which includes 4 very hungry young men. I have great hopes this will be easy the second half of this year, now that a great majority of our back yard has been turned into garden space, but for now, it will certainly be an adventure.

I am starting today, as I went grocery shopping with one of those new thingies that scans your purchases as you go, thereby enabling you to see the running total. I had planned to spend $150 this week, after making out a menu plan, and estimating costs on my list. My goal is to be frugal, mostly vegetarian, and nutrition conscious. I spent $166 in all, and here is a list of what I bought:

Shallots 1.99
Garlic .99
Celery 1.99
Sweet potatoes 7.44
Potatoes 4.99
Onions 2.99
Red potatoes 4.99
Romaine lettuce 2.50
Red onions 2.85
Leeks 1.59
Parsnips 3.98
Collard greens 2.04
Cabbage 3.01

Tilapia 17.97
Tuna 5.34

Triscuits 5.00
Honey 7.99
Orange juice 5.07
Tea 4.84

Canned tomatoes, whole, diced, etc. 14.34
Parmesan cheese 3.19
Canned beans 3.40
Pasta 4.00

Mayo 2.59
Broth 4.00
Sugar, cane and brown 4.28
Bread (I usually make my own) 7.58
Baking soda .99
Salsa 5.00
Butter 3.59
Cheese 5.38
Milk 3.79
Eggs 3.89

Tonight we will do some menu math to find out how much dinner cost to prepare.

Breakfast: Oatmeal with brown sugar, tea

Lunch: Peanut butter and home-made jelly (last can from the summer) on homemade bread, iced tea

Dinner: Red potato and red onion frittata with green beans.

Okay, granted I did have a few things in the cupboard (not much) and I do bulk order wheat berries, corn meal, brown rice and oats about quarterly, which is extra.

Total cost of today's meals: 2 lbs potatoes: 2.00, one very large red onion 1.40, 15 eggs 3.00: $6.40, snack of Triscuits and leftover dip from New Year's Eve: $5.00. Today: $11.40

Traditional New Year's Eve

2012-01-01T11:41:00.000-05:00

Because we're boring!

Christmas Day

2011-12-28T16:27:00.001-05:00

Dominic got donkeys in his stocking. What else?

The princess and the frog princess.

Weapons and saints.

Happy baby!

Which one is Medusa?

The budding chef.

The wine connoisseur.

Self-explanatory.

Sous chefs.

Oven roast Christmas dinner with root vegetables and braised broccoli rabe.

Derek and Sarah.

A quiet (well, relatively!), peaceful, family day.

Wigilia

2011-12-26T13:47:00.000-05:00

Traditional Polish Christmas Eve: Mushroom soup, Fish, Horseradish carrots and beets, Pierogi.

So thankful this year for children who can play instruments!

And sing.

And enjoy doing it.

God bless you, Dr. Wade.

Early Christmas gift from big(gest) brother.

A very crazy game called Quelf.

A penalty of the game. He had to hide in a fort!

And a wonderful peaceful evening ended with Midnight Mass.

O Emmanuel

2011-12-23T15:35:00.000-05:00

O Emmanuel, our King and our Law-giver, Longing of the Gentiles, yea, and salvation thereof, come to save us, O Lord our God!

O Emmanuel, Rex et legifer noster, exspectatio gentium, et Salvator earum: veni ad salvandum nos Domine Deus noster.

A new children's nativity to add to our collection:

O Rex Gentium

2011-12-22T17:42:00.001-05:00

O King of the Gentiles, yea, and desire thereof! O Corner-stone, that makest of two one, come to save man, whom Thou hast made out of the dust of the earth!

O Rex Gentium, et desideratus earum, lapisque angularis, qui facis utraque unum: veni, et salva hominem, quem de limo formasti.

Tonight for dinner: Chicken a la King. I have never made (or eaten) this dish before. It is actually quite festive with the green peppers and red pimentos.

O Oriens

2011-12-22T07:57:00.002-05:00

O Dayspring, Brightness of the everlasting light, Sun of justice, come to give light to them that sit in darkness and in the shadow of death!

O Oriens, splendor lucis æternæ, et sol justitiæ: veni, et illumina sedentes in tenebris, et umbra mortis.

This is somewhat of a stretch, but tonight some of the kids and I went to a movie. It has probably been a year since I have done that. We have a bargain cinema close by, and generous friends at Christmas time, so we could justify it. There were only a handful of people in the theater and it was quite pleasant.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

O Clavis David

2011-12-20T18:40:00.000-05:00

O Key of David, and Sceptre of the house of Israel, that openeth and no man shutteth, and shutteth and no man openeth, come to liberate the prisoner from the prison, and them that sit in darkness, and in the shadow of death.
O Clavis David, et sceptrum domus Israel; qui aperis, et nemo claudit; claudis, et nemo aperit: veni, et educ vinctum de domo carceris, sedentem in tenebris, et umbra mortis.

Key lime pie!

VENI, Clavis Davidica,
regna reclude caelica,
fac iter tutum superum,
et claude vias inferum.

O Radix Jesse

2011-12-19T22:33:00.000-05:00

O Root of Jesse, which standest for an ensign of the people, at Whom the kings shall shut their mouths, Whom the Gentiles shall seek, come to deliver us, do not tarry.
O Radix Jesse, qui stas in signum populorum, super quem continebunt reges os suum, quem Gentes
deprecabuntur: veni ad liberandum nos, jam noli tardare.

Today's special O Antiphon treat was going back to our "roots." My hometown and our extended family. All 14 of us went, to see my Aunt and my oldest and youngest cousin, along with their children, one who is 10 days younger than Declan and the first child of my youngest cousin Josh, and his wife Grace.

Uncle Dominic and Declan

Justin and Ian

Jordan, Trinity and their (third? fourth?) cousin, Eleanor.

What would my cousin's daughter be to my daughters? Hmmm.

Copeland, Farin and smiling Declan.

Courtney and Alyssa.

Grace and Declan.

Half the gang.

And the rest!

Veni, o Jesse Virgula;
Ex hostis tuos ungula,
De specu tuos tartari
Deduc et antro barathri.
Gaude, gaude! Emmanuel
nascetur pro te, Israel.

Oh, come, strong branch of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satans tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save
And give them vict'ry o'er the grave.

O Adonai

2011-12-18T12:58:00.001-05:00

O Adonai, and Ruler of the house of Israel, Who didst appear unto Moses in the burning bush, and gavest him the law in Sinai, come to redeem us with an outstretched arm!

O Adonai, et Dux domus Israel, qui Moysi in igne flammæ rubi apparuisti, et ei in Sina legem dedisti: veni ad redimendum nos in brachio extento.

One of the kids' favorite O Antiphon activitites: decorating gingerbread houses!

O COME, o come, Thou Lord of might,
who to thy tribes on Sinai's height
in ancient times did give the law,
in cloud, and majesty, and awe.

VENI, veni, Adonai,
qui populo in Sinai
legem dedisti vertice
in maiestate gloriae.

O Sapientia

2011-12-17T14:31:00.001-05:00

O Wisdom that comest out of the mouth of the Most High, that reachest from one end to another, and orderest all things mightily and sweetly, come to teach us the way of prudence!

O Sapientia, quæ ex ore Altissimi prodiisti, attingens a fine usque ad finem, fortiter suaviterque disponens omnia: veni ad docendum nos viam prudentiæ.

To celebrate this first day of the O Antiphons, O Wisdom, everyone received a book. Tonight's Evening Prayer we will sing the corresponding verse in O Come, O Come, Emmanuel:

O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

Happy Feast of St. Lucy!

2011-12-13T13:04:00.000-05:00

And around the house this week of Gaudete:

It is awesome to have children able to play the piano now! We can decorate to Christmas Carols.

The stockings were hung on the bookcase with care ;)

And yesterday for the Feast of Our Lady of Guadelupe:

Chicken enchiladas.

Do these cookies look like roses? Today starts the Christmas cookie baking. I figure if we do a different batch a day we will still have time for other things, and have a great variety.

One thing is very peaceful, yet disconcerting at the same time: no word from tbj. He was not accepted at the counseling center (which is incredibly odd, seeing as how they handle court cases as a rule). The Kidsafe woman will not let him have visitation until he signs a release for her to speak to the counselor to find out why. My attorney tells me there are a lot of threats on his behalf, but nothing concrete. I am at peace because I know I have followed the court order down to the last comma, and there is nothing that I am am responsible for as far as visitation is concerned. I am anxious, however, as silence from him is never entirely a good thing, as I am sure he is hatching up another way to hurt us. Time will tell. For now I will enjoy my children.

The Feast of the Immaculate Conception

2011-12-09T16:24:00.000-05:00

For this feast we made a white dinner, in honor of Mary's purity. We had chicken alfredo, mashed potatoes, and cauliflower. For dessert we had white cupcakes and beverages were white wine and white cranberry juice.

The Feast of St. Nicholas

2011-12-06T08:34:00.000-05:00

A Baptism & A Birthday

2011-12-04T21:20:00.000-05:00

Declan Vincent in Uncle Dominic Joseph's outfit.

The Baptism was at the Cathedral, in the afternoon. Hence the dark photography. For some odd reason, my camera never takes decent pictures in a church. I took about two of each, with and without a flash.

The Cathedral is in the middle of a major remodel, but it is still quite beautiful.

Not a cry!

Fr. made a comment about the candle being so short. It's now at 1/3 of its original size. The godfather didn't have to work too hard.

Then he made a comment about blowing the candle out before putting it back in the box. He was quite hysterical.

I was told I had to take a vertical picture so as not to decapitate Mary.

Proud parents and godparents.

I love this shot!

Now it's time to cook. It was also Justin's 27th birthday, which makes me - old.

He came early to cook the majority of the menu: Potato-celery root mash, smoked salmon dip, edamame hummus, kale-brussel sprout salad, and then made his specialty tomato-olive oil-prosciutto pasta. It was all delicious.

A toast, to the newest member of the Church, and the Birthday ~~boy~~ man.

Diaconate Ordination

2011-11-29T13:15:00.000-05:00

We had the pleasure of being Daniel's family (along with his mother and sister from Poland) at this year's Ordination of Transitional Deacons. God-willing, five men will be ordained priests in June.

The promise.

Vesting by Fr. Stanley

The family with the Bishop

Fr. Michael

Up-and-coming Deacon

The rest of the evening and next day were spent in my hometown, with my aunt and cousins. The weather was gorgeous. It's usually 20 below in the Berkshires this time of year. The small town activities included a tree-lighting, carriage rides, donuts and hot cocoa, and much quality time!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T22:09:00.001-05:00

We have many many things to be thankful for.

Our grandson and nephew Declan,

Our wonderful home in which we can be together to share our meals.

And eat abundantly with close friends and family.

And boy did we feast.

Here we are, full and happy!

November Daybook

2011-11-15T17:27:00.000-05:00

Outside my window...

It is very gray, looks like snow, but is actually warm. New England.

I am thinking...

That I really need to get more organized before Advent, which is coming way too quickly.

I am thankful...

For wonderful people in our community and for a healthy new grandchild.

From the learning rooms...

Our New England States unit study, which we supplement with state cooking, tonight, Vermont: banana-berry pancakes with real maple syrup

In the kitchen...

See above :)

I am wearing...

Jeans and a sweater.

I am creating...

Homemade Christmas gifts, in my mind. They haven't actually become physical, yet.

I am going...

To the store soon, to shop for a birthday dinner we are giving tomorrow night for one of our favorite priests.

I am wondering...

How I am going to fill 11 stockings, start school, find a new job, keep homeschooling, keep up with the house, basically, too many things.

I am reading...

The Education of Catholic Girls, Ida Elisabeth, and The Way of a Pilgrim. I always read several things at once.

I am hoping...

For a peaceful, happy Advent and holiday season.

I am looking forward to...

Declan's Baptism and all of the fun holiday things we plan just being a family.

I am hearing...

My children being loud in the kitchen.

Around the house...

A mole. Seriously. He comes in from under the stove through a vent in the wall, looks around and goes back out. Gross.

A few plans for the rest of the week:

Subbing for Ian's teaching job, maybe a girls' night, cracking out the Christmas movies :)

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

(add your picture here

2011-11-12T09:07:00.001-05:00

Try to get ten wise-acre children to pose for an annual Christmas picture. Disregard the exposure being off (you would think if there was no sun the glare would be less), eyes being closed, people looking the wrong way, people not smiling, etc. and this is what you get:

I took about 50 gazillion pictures and am not happy with any, but by the time I checked them all, the troops were freezing, hungry, and unwilling to trek back out to the backyard. Why does it get harder every year?

2011-11-10T11:48:00.000-05:00

Why does there always have to be something to steal one's joy? I refuse to go to the post office any longer - today's mail brought yet another letter from social services stating that my food card will be cut an additional $120 as of December 1st, on top of the $200 they already cut it. Leaving me a grand total of $21.50/day to feed 11 people.

There was a great story in Yahoo news a couple days ago about how it was possible to feed a family of four for $20/day.

The state I live in really stinks. Especially in the area of common decency. Do you think anyone will return a phone call?

I guess food will be on the kids' Christmas lists this year.

Thanks, Connecticut.

My Grandson

2011-11-09T18:58:00.000-05:00

Declan Vincent

Birthday: November 8, 2011

8 lbs 4 oz

21"

of perfection!

It's amazing, first, that I am a grandmother (I'm much too young), and that it is so awesome. I never thought I would feel this way again, but I love this little guy, so very much. And I love Justin and Christy for this wonderful gift, for being terrific parents and friends, and for giving us Declan!

All of us are in love.

Declan Vincent

Aunt Courtney

Grandma (or Babci), I haven't decided yet.

Uncle Brandon

Uncle Dominic, with Daddy Justin

Uncle Derek

Aunt Cassidy

Uncle Ian

Mommy

Uncle Liam

Aunt Trinity

Uncle Connor

Aunt Jordan

Ramblings and a rant

2011-11-05T16:43:00.000-04:00

Today was Kidsafe. Yeah, I know, it still continues. Now, however it is every other Saturday and NOT Thursday because the counseling is supposed to have started. It took from June until now to get him to go to the second counseling center (the first having thrown him out after he threatened them, lied to them, and otherwise did what he does to everyone). The second won't speak to me at all, as he is the client, and even though my kids are supposed to be involved, he hasn't signed a release and Hippa rules forbid them to divulge any information about what's going on or not going on. Not much is going on, looks like. Not that I thought anything would, he certainly doesn't want a shrink anywhere near him. It would prove too much. The only reason he even made the initial appointment was because after months of excuses (he didn't have the number, he left a message, no one called him back) the Kidsafe lady dialed them up while he was there and gave him the phone.

Anyway, this morning I was supposed to receive my $40 in gas money, and didn't. He told the monitor that "that particular court order expired in 60 days." Wow, I guess that means I don't have to go at all anymore, as that would be the same order.

It's amazing how conniving, deceitful, malicious, and downright hateful he still is. Thanksgiving will be 5 years. Amazing.

Then I come home from my hour drive, after I have wasted the entire morning waiting for the kids to watch a movie (wonderful use of his 5 hours of monthly quality time, isn't it?) to get the mail. I have recieved my health insurance back. Thank God. And I have been cut $200/month in food money starting December 1st. Because I make $200/month substitute teaching. I knew that was coming. The state gives you such an incentive to get out there, don't they? So now I have $750 a month for 11 of us. That's $25/day. Is that possible?

So, Christmas is coming. And I have 2 oil tanks to fill. And two of my children have birthdays before Christmas, two after. And there will be a grandchild any day. And some kids are still needing decent shoes. And I need to go to school to get a real job. And I need tuition deposit money, gas money, book money. And there aren't enough hours in the day.

And people have been so kind to me, I feel guilty whining five years later.

Yesterday we had Eggs St. Charles for the feast of Charles Boromeo:

And that will be the last Saint celebration for a time it seems. Someone made a comment recently that they thought I should go to cooking school, because I have a way with food. That made me laugh! I really don't. Really. My oldest does. I can follow a recipe. Baking I am better at. I would love to have a bakery/book store/coffee bar/artisinal soap and craft store. In the country.

May the Lord continue to provide, and make me worthy.

Veils by Lily

2011-11-03T15:40:00.000-04:00

Today in the mail I received a very special gift: handmade veils for me and all my girls from Veils by Lily!

They are absolutely gorgeous, I can't wait to go to Mass!

Jordan

Trinity

Cassidy

Courtney being Courtney

Moi

Thank you so much, Lily! They are truly beautiful. May God bless your ministry abundantly!

Will work for food!

2011-11-02T18:17:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen those signs? It seems that that is what I am doing now. I just got a call from social services, as I came in from a very frustrating day at the financial aid office. It seems that because I have received a couple months of actual child support, and work part time as a substitute teacher, they are cutting my food card, again. I get $950/month to feed 11 people, and the $75 I make every week, teaching other people's children, while I leave my own, puts me over the edge somehow, so all of the money I make, will be deducted from my food card. So I am working for food. Because we use every bit, and quite a bit more of that $950. So, I should not work, and rely on the child support to keep coming, then start from scratch when it doesn't? What a system.

So... financial aid. It seems as though Derek and I qualify for the maximum. Awesome, right? Nope. The school, being private costs $44,000. Being specialized, we have only about three classes that will transfer in. Leaving us over 20 GRAND Each in loans. At my age, I will start paying it back when I'm around 47 or 48, at an estimate of $450/month FOR 10 YEARS!!

How do I justify that?!

Even considering I'm gainfully employed and not counting on what's-his-name for a cent, I will lose all food, my 200K mile car will no doubt have to be replaced, and I will still have all the other expenses, plus rapidly growing children.

I guess my dream was just a dream.

All Souls

2011-11-02T08:06:00.000-04:00

I wish I could do more today to celebrate this special day in the Church, but Derek and I are off for another visit to our (God-willing) new school, this time the financial aid office. Then we are taking a side trip to the Monastery (where there is a fabulous Icon shop). Later we will be making Soul Cakes, however. More to follow.

Halloween

2011-11-01T17:17:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since the kids did anything for Halloween, and after the snow we had the prior day, which left much of our state powerless again, I almost reconsidered. Yet, the night was pretty mild, and the four youngest (chaperoned, of course) joined the crowds up and down our street. Halloween is obviously huge in our little town. We regretfully ran out of candy well before the last trick-or-treater passed by, as we are one of the only roads in town with sidewalks, the parents were drivin' em in.

The frost is definitely on the punkin'!

Belle and Cinderella.

Shootin' webs.

Leave it to a ten-year-old boy. He desperately wanted to be scary. I hope no one's offended, it's a far cry from last year's costume:

And now we are off to Mass. Happy All Saints Day, everyone!

2011-10-30T15:39:00.000-04:00

So after about two years of pondering, praying, and rationalizing I think I finally have decided to go back to school. At my age. Well, they say if you keep your mind active, it holds back adult onset diseases such as Alztheimers, right? Our music teacher is 86-years-old and her mind is as sharp as a tack, there has to be something to that adage. Although, I have been substitute teaching for awhile, to earn some income, I have decided that the teaching profession is not for me. I do like other people's children, I just don't like teaching them. Especially the dumbed-down, watered thin, spelled-out-for-you public school curricula that the state mandates one teach. And at my age, if I paid all of that money for a teaching certificate, I certainly wouldn't make it back and support my family on a Catholic school salary before I died. Besides, there is one area where my heart does lie, and has lain for quite awhile, I just didn't know how to make it work.

I'm not sure how it came about, exactly. It was either from a discussion between Derek and myself (about how I would support the kids when he left) or from one of my sleepless nights when I pondered alone how I would support the kids for the next 15-odd years or so, and then myself when they were gone. I have no savings, no pension, no IRA, no nothing. So I started googling, and looking into where I could go to school, that I could afford, commute to, and that wouldn't take up the whole week.

I found a place. It's not cheap, but then what is? I will qualify for some financial aid (it's a private college, I won't go free) and have some loans that hopefully will get paid off relatively soon, when I have a real job (the first of my life, besides raising 11 kids of course). It's time-intensive, but not time away from home intensive, and one can finish in about 18 months, which won't make me quite retirement age yet :)

Better yet, it's my dream job, really. Derek's too. We will be going together, God-willing. We already had an interview, submitted applications, and have an appointment with financial aid this week. Now to pull the $400 each deposit out of thin air...

If you're still reading this, are you curious as to what I am going to be when I grow up?

Maybe we'll make a contest out of it, whoever guesses correctly will win a prize!

Dinner and a childbirth class

2011-10-28T15:32:00.000-04:00

Quite the combination for the backyard on a Sunday afternoon, recently, when the weather was much nicer.

We had a guest chef, and some resident sous chefs.

Who were put right to work.

Cleaning off the table.

Digging in.

And boy was it good!

The baby fits through there?

Yep, and this is how.

Multi-tasking haircut in the background.

Interesting lesson no matter how many times you've been through it.

How to ease labor pains.

The crowd is amused.

At this.

My grandson should be here any day now!

A Brief Unit Study

2011-10-27T17:38:00.000-04:00

We took some time away from World History to conquer something closer to home.

These books are great, I learned of them here (on of my favorite blogs, I will never measure up to that one)!

Not just a cookbook, full of wonderful information and fun facts.

Everyone loves to color while I read.

"Election Day Cake" for Connecticut's cooking project. (Note the hole where a chocolate chip is missing. Dominic!)

My Titus 2 Women

2011-10-20T12:57:00.000-04:00

I have been wanting to write this post for awhile, but things keep getting in the way, isn't that always the case? Titus 2 is all about older women helping the younger to lead godly lives (and honoring their husbands, but in my case it is honoring my family). I have 6 such women off the top of my head who have been invaluable in my life, in keeping me sane, in making sure my children are provided for, in helping them learn valuable skills, with having good old-fashioned fun. I wish I had pictures of them all, but alas, I don't.

First, I have to acknowledge and esteem my attorney. It has been four years that she has stuck by me through some very horrible stuff, FOR FREE. She has never once charged me a cent. She has drafted countless motions, spent hours upon hours on the phone with me keeping me from losing it, driven untold miles to court in my behalf, put up with several complaints to the legal board by tbj, fought tirelessly for my children, and I'm sure prayed for me along the way.

Second, is my dear friend Lu. Here she is:

Lu has been so very generous to us on every holiday and just because. And generous with her prayers, as well. She doesn't have grandchildren, and my children don't have a grandmother so it is a win-win. When Lu reads this, and I know she will, I hope she knows we miss her and would like to see her more!

Then there is Mary. She is Lu's friend and helps us a great deal financially, and with cards, words of encouragement, and prayer. She is wonderful, and we are very grateful for her!

Then there is our sweet neighbor, Norma:

She has been a blessing to my children, as she spends a great deal of time with the younger ones, doesn't mind when they constantly come into her yard, and teaches them about gardening and life in our little town, where she has always lived. She is constantly giving us wonderful things: groceries, games, flashlights, toys, plants, to name a few. Norma has been to quite a few of our parties and has gotten to know most of our friends and family.

Sally started as Farm School teacher and quickly became a very close family friend:

Here she is with Justin. She is one of the most rounded, interesting people I know. She knows Latin, farming, canning, homesteading, knitting - you name it. Cassidy, my left-hander like me, can now knit like a pro thanks to Sally, and with hand-dyed, hand-woven Angora goat wool, to boot. All of my children love to spend time at Sally's!

Last, but not least I certainly have to mention Dr. W. We were intoduced to Dr. W through homeschooling friends as a "woman who loves to teach children music." For years, after ballet was lost to them for obvious financial tbj reasons, the kids didn't have much of a creative outlet. We've had a piano forever, no one but Ian (who hasn't been here) knew how to play. Brandon had a guitar, and we had several other instruments collecting dust. Dr. W is now teaching Brandon piano AND guitar, Connor piano, Cassidy violin, Liam guitar (she gave him one), Trinity cello (she gave her one), and Jordan mandolin - for Free! We have also enjoyed several concerts, thanks to her. She is a very kind, patient teacher who at 86-years-of-age, has taught children (in a one-room schoolhouse) since 1947.

I am indebted to all of these women in many more ways than I have expressed here. Since I lost my grandmother when I was 8, and my mother when I was 23, I am so very fortunate to have been given these wonderful women to enrich my life and those of my children!

Thank you, dear ladies, from the bottom of my heart! I love you all.

Lately

2011-10-16T09:43:00.000-04:00

We were given some vegetables and I canned more sauce.

We made meat pie in honor of St. Edward's feast day.

And ate it with a big green salad.

We made a shelf for icons. There's St. Edward on the right.

We found a place to put our daily mugs, napkins, and dinner reading.

And a place to store our school books.

So we can hide them during meals.

Because Ian and Derek finally, after a year, figured out how to get the piano out of the dining room and into the library/music room where it belonged.

What the government says

2011-10-13T13:55:00.000-04:00

This is the latest chart on the cost of feeding a family based on the findings of the USDA.

Based on our family size and make-up, the thriftiest weekly budget for us should be $360.

I guess I'm doing dang good on $250!

As we speak, I have three strong boys enlarging our backyard garden by about 500%.

This book says to till a former yard in the fall, so the grass you turn under will compost itself by spring. Then we will till it again with the compost pile we have been accumulating from our kitchen scraps.

In this day of astronomical grocery prices, who can not justify planting, canning, and self-sufficiency? Actually, I'm loving it. Tomorrow my new sack of wheat is due to arrive, and we'll be back in homemade bread, which is so much healthier than the "whole wheat" loves Stop & Shop is selling for over $4/loaf.

The rest of the first half of the month in food

2011-10-12T13:13:00.000-04:00

13th:

Oatmeal
Leftovers
Meat Pie (in honor of St. Edward), salad

14th:

Oatmeal
Tuna sandwiches
Homemade baked beans

15th:

Muffins
Vegetable soup
Risotto

Down to $300 for the next 16 days.

Food continued

2011-10-08T19:40:00.002-04:00

So now I have spent exactly half of my monthly food budget, and am hoping I will make it to the 15th or 16th without having to purchase more, BUT as I have used up every last egg and have no more wheat berries at the moment and am running low on yeast, that seems unlikely.

6th:

Oatmeal
Leftover pizza
Soup with pork and noodles

7th:

Bagels
Linner (our term for a very large late lunch/early dinner) purchased out by a dear visiting friend

8th:

Oatmeal
Apples, popcorn, & smoked cheddar (at the orchard while we were picking)
Mashed potatoes & yams, baked butternut squash, & apple chutney (all made from this morning's purchases at the farmer's market)

9th:

Apple bread
Leftovers
Sausage & potato chowder

10th:

Eggs
Hamburgers
Eggplant parmesan & spaghetti

11th:

Oatmeal
Lentils & rice
Chili and cornbread

12th:

Cornbread
Tuna sandwiches
Pulled pork w/ apples and onions & baked beans
(someone gave me a large pork shoulder)

Farmer's market meal!

My kids would much rather have this than the golden arches!

How far does $300 of food go when you're feeding 11+?

2011-10-04T19:39:00.000-04:00

And I say plus because you never know who will drop in! I always have extra mouths around the table, and that is just fine.

Starting with the 1st of October, dinner:

Sloppy Joes with salad.

2nd:

Oranges (something quick in the rush to get ready for Mass)
Apples 'n Onions and Fried Potatoes
Pasta & Salad

3rd:

English Muffins (picked up free from Church)
Egg Salad on Wasa crackers with home-canned pickles and tomatoes from the garden
Beef Stew

4th:

Bagels w/ cream cheese
Eggplant, tomato, and chickpeas over rice w/ chicken sausage
Oatmeal pancakes with (real) maple syrup & home-canned strawberry syrup

5th:

Oatmeal
Lentils & rice
Homemade pizza: barbecue chicken & red onion, pepper & mushroom

To be continued...

Happy Feast of St. Therese!

2011-10-01T19:21:00.000-04:00

I much rather think of this day as the Feast of one of my favorite saints, than what else the day commemorates; my ex-anniversary. I have to keep reminding myself that my children are here for a reason, they made all the horror worthwhile, and they will keep me young and functional for (hopefully) a long time to come. Anyway, we are celebrating the day by praying Morning and Evening prayer in honor of the great saint, and watching this movie.

Today was grocery day, yikes! $300 later, I hopefully have enough food to last more than a week (depends how many extras show up *smile*). However, I did do something this week I should have attempted long ago, and it will save some major money.

I made homemade laundry detergent. Here are the ingredients:

1/3 bar Fels Naptha, grated
1/2 cup Borax
1/2 cup Washing Soda
Drops of essential oil, optional

This makes 10 quarts of liquid laundry detergent. The cost for all 10 quarts: 75 cents. At a 1/2 cup of liquid per load, that equals 80 loads at a penny a load! 75 cents for a month's worth of laundry! Not bad! That and hanging the clothes on the line every sunny day, we have been averaging a $20/month savings off the electric bill as well.

I will post my menu to see how far $300 feeds 11+ people a day tomorrow, if anyone is interested. Comments always welcome!

'Bye, Coffee!

2011-09-27T10:38:00.000-04:00

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am a coffee addict, a coffee snob, and a coffee lover. For years, I have ingested at least 4 cups of coffee a day, and not just any coffee, whole beans I ground myself, the darker the better. The past year or so I drank iced coffee exclusively, French Roast, and a glass like the one pictured accompanied me in my morning shower.

Lately, as my food budget shrinks and shrinks, and the prices of everything we eat and drink rise astronomically, I have been searching my brain for ways to stretch the funds we have. My poor caffeinated brain had to admit that coffee had to go. Between Derek and myself, we would drink a couple pounds of the good stuff a week, morning and for the afternoon slump. We were spending $20 a week. It could no longer be justified.

At first I was panicked: how will I wake up, stay awake, function, think, live? What about all of those nasty caffeine withdrawal migraines one hears about? What about my love for coffee??? I started slow, elimanated the afternoon cup(s). Then I went cold turkey and 8 days ago now, have not had coffee in the house. I brewed black tea in the morning, poured it over ice, and brought it to my shower. No headaches. Probably much better for me, and mostly: way cheaper!

Does this mean if someone offered to bring me out for coffee I would refuse? Of course not :)

Let's do the math

2011-09-24T14:47:00.000-04:00

So in researching the Husky guidelines (CT state insurance), a family of 6 including single mother, can make up to $55,400 and qualify. IF tbj paid every last penny of child support court ordered every week for a year, we would receive $33,000. AND we are a family of 9 (8 minor children). Doesn't quite add up to me, especially considiering I make about $75 a month substitute teaching. So why did I just receive a letter in the mail stating I lost our insurance to to our excessive income?!

Very good question and no answer on Monday when I called DSS and left a message, or Wednesday when I called again, nor on Thursday and Friday when I called yet again and again. Guess I'll have to make an appearance after my Dr.'s appt. on Monday, hope it's covered.

Here's some more math: this month tbj has confirmed and showed to all Kidsafe visits, at a cost of $1075, he paid $300 to file the lawsuit (yep, he filed it), and he paid $250 for the sherriff to bring it to my home and hand it to my child. That's over $1600 the children (all 11 of them) could have used for college expenses, uncovered medical expenses, clothes, shoes, school supplies, extra food, you name it. How selfish can one person be?

Here's even more math: it's been 3 1/2 months since he was ordered to set up counseling, that's 107 days that he couldn't pick up the phone, to save the youngest three hours of torture, and to comply with his court order. Hopefully our motion will come up soon.

Back in the day we had tv, there was some kid's show which would always end with, "This is the song that never ends,..." Can't think of which one at the moment, but it sure describes my life.

After the weekend

2011-09-19T19:03:00.000-04:00

Life returns to normal. Heavy sigh. The morning mail brings three letters from DSS. The first, Derek is off my insurance. The second, the kids and I lose insurance, because we make too much. Huh? I just finished filling out the paperwork to requalify for state (Husky) insurance. We had Husky when tbj was still around. We NEVER made enough to NOT qualify. Now, for some reason, we don't qualify? I checked all of the boxes for "nothing has changed" so what the heck?! Letter three, my food stamps have been deducted from yet again, an additional $115/month. This gives me $30/day to feed 10 people, not including things like butter, sugar, coffee, etc.

The funny (or not so funny) thing is that the wording: someone has reported changes in your circumstsances, apperas on all three issues. Guess who? He's not too low to feed false info to social services, in the last agency before I moved they gave me copies of the letter he wrote, and phone messages he left to attemt to deny the children of insurance and food. And he strikes again. Even though he has had an outstanding subpoena from support enforcement to supply insurance for the youngest 8 for over 2 years. He testified under oath this past June he had insurance cards and was ordered to overnight them to my attorney.

He rsvp'd to Kidsafe already this week. $290 spent on a babysitter for himself, in lieu of food, clothing, or insurance. Ahhhh, life.

The weekend

2011-09-19T11:39:00.000-04:00

Here we all are, together again after more than 14 months. So this weekend was to celebrate Jordan's birthday and my coming grandchild.

Justin, Ian, my visiting Aunt and Cousins cooked, so all I had to do was eat!

We had quite a spread, Ian made a favorite pasta recipe from Italy, and we had many salads, bread, and a Justin pasta specialty.

Jordan was very happy with her present.

Justin and Christy's turn.

More presents and a favorite Aunt!

5 plus 2 equals 7. I'm bad.

The boys ended the day with a rousing game of rugby.

No one was hurt!

Believe it or not.

The girls were the audience.

We had a wonderful, wonderful weekend.

Nothing new here

2011-09-14T08:50:00.000-04:00

Last Tuesday was the day I was to go back to Magistrate Court, and TBJ was to prove he had paid in full every week since the last Magistrate date, the first Tuesday of August. There were 5 weeks in between. He paid 2 of those weeks. As you could probably imagine, I was a little excited for justice to finally be done last Tuesday. Magistrate H told tbj that he could bring his toothbrush (the lock-up is in the basement of the courthouse), if he had not complied. The Friday before I received a phone call saying that Magistrate L was to be the magistrate that Tuesday and not Magistrate H.

In a perfect world, that would be awesome, Magistrate L is known for locking 'em up and not taking any guff. But this is not a perfect world, and Magistrate L is the former colleague of my attorney, thereby creating a conflict and not allowing me to proceed until November 11th, when he is not sitting on the bench.

Tbj gets another "get out of jail free" card, and has two more months to stick it to the children. Meanwhile, he is confirming those Kidsafe slots, and I am driving hours, sitting hours, and twiddling my thumbs.

The one upside is that I get to bring one or two alternating older kidsafe-exempt children for company, and we get to spend one-on-one (or two-on-one) time. Gotta find an upside to this idiocy that never seems to end.

Happy Birthday, Connor!

2011-09-04T19:35:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Lu and Karen we were able to celebrate today at Mystic Seaport (and still pay the bills!) with most of the family and Connor's friend, Harry.

Jordan gets to show off her new dress and shoes.

Looking down at the jellyfish from the deck of the Amistad.

Relaxing Sunday.

They were laughing at a pony-tailed sailor singing very loudly.

A sign in a 19th century cottage, and our motto.

A rare picture of me, as I am usually the photographer.

Going out on the only still-in-service wooden steamship.

A view from the ocean.

Discussing naval history?

I thought this picture was cool.

The crew.

Guess where we had dinner?!

The birthday teen (I have 4 in the house now)!

The cake was just taken!

2011-08-31T14:51:00.002-04:00

I had an appointment this morning, where someone asked me what the most stressful part of my life was at the moment. I replied, wondering what tbj would do next. When I arrived home, my eleven-year-old daughter handed me a summons which a sherriff had just delivered. Tbj is suing me for 1.5 million dollars!

Here is the summary: 1. During our marriage I displayed emotional instability, mood swings, personal dishonesty, possessiveness, irrational jealousy, explosive anger. Um, hmmm, that would be him.

2. I used legal counsel to deprive him of his children. And mental health counselors in my "vengeful attack" against him. He has supervised visitation because of false allegations. I am further seeking with my "nefarious activities" to further alienate the children by terminating his rights.

3. I lie. I lie to the community in which he lives. Huh?

4. I published the fact that he abused his children, which he finds a private matter.

5. Beginning in 2009, I caused him worry and concern regaring the safety and well-being of the children. The banner year he called the FBI to say I kidnapped them and was living in Michigan. He wasn't concerned in 2007 when he called DCF to say we had a suicide pact?

6. He's deprived of his "peaceful state of mind" because the children aren't cared for.

7. He suffers "anguish, pain, and the loss of sleep, and interferes with present relationships causing further anguish."

8. I have been in contempt 8 times for depriving him of the children. Nope.

9. I had a child with another man while married to him, but display myself as "holier than thou." Hmmm, I wonder which one? And when was I allowed out of the house?

10. I've refused to go to counseling. You all know that story and that fight I am fighting.

11. I stole his car in 2007, I was removed by the police from the Bank of America. This is INSANE, once again, that would be him, being removed in handcuffs from BOA for kicking in my door, with me behind it. From which came his FOURTH round of anger management counseling.

12. I had my nine-year-old son make up a story that tbj hurt him on visitation, so now he has to pay for visits. It was a 12-year-old son, and he was beaten to the ground and a full family relations investigation done, resulting in supervised visitation which has been in place for 3 YEARS!

13. I've been found guilty 9 times from the 22 contempt motions he filed against me. Once, Susan's motion, you know the story.

14. He has a court order for phone contact, I hung up on him 8 times, and then had him arrested falsely for harrassment. Wow, that makes sense! I have a no-contact order. He is not even supposed to know my address, from when he stole my mail.

15. I have returned every card and gift he has ever sent the kids, and he finds that mentally abusive. Seeing as how for the past two years, I can't even open my PO Box without one of my kids to help, I have never gotten the mail. Do you think he sends gifts???

16. I have filed 51 motions against him and "abused the legal process."

17. I have threatened and harrassed his current employer, he brought said employer with him to apply for a restraining order but was denied.

18. He has spent $122,000 trying to see the 5 kids (that he signed over to me willingly in 2009).

19. I started a blog in 2008 (wasn't it 2010?) that accuses him of being a child molester, and that he had an affair. He did have an affair. Period.

20. I self-published a book (no, I had a publisher he threatened with a lawsuit) in which I slander his attorney and all court officers.

21. I allowed the family home to go into foreclosure.

22. His employer threatened to fire him in 2010 because I harrassed them, even though he was the #1 producer.

23. I now contact his customers and co-workers. He's "afraid these activities will affect sales. And his father, 41 years military, now suffers. He's lost friends" because of me.

24. I slashed his tires and bang on his window late at night.

It goes on for two more pages in big legal terms how I've damaged his reputation and inflicted emotional distress.

He's asking for a million and a half, and that I never publish or be published again.

I think #s 21 and 24 are my favorites. 16 is up there, though.

Good God! This must have taken him weeks to come up with, I know he has NPD but he also seriously has some major projection disorder. How am I able to find this humerous? My lawyer told me it was a joke.

Maybe I'll counter-sue for ten million. Nah, the Lord always provides for me, why be greedy?

* I missed a spot at the end, where it says that he has "endured pain and suffering so severe, no normal person could ever have endured it, malice must be implied."

OH, PLEASE!

Here's the kicker... I am always, always accused (by tbj and Susan) of alienating, biasing, poisoning, etc of the younger children, and talking of adult issues. This was delivered to my 11-year-old daughter when I wasn't home!!! She is the mouth of the house, do you think all of the kids don't know about this now?!

Food continued

2011-08-30T20:09:00.001-04:00

There were so many good comments on my last post, thank you! By the way, these are the "Rotel" tomatoes I had, from Aldi, which sell for .49, so I'm not guilty of name-brand shopping!

These are the tomatoes a dear friend gave me today:

And this is what I did with them, 3 Quarts and 3 pints of spaghetti sauce.

More, more! I need to can more!!! I love canning, really, and am one of the fortunate ones who only lost power for 26 hours after Hurricane Irene. And speaking of Irene, tbj cancelled last Thursday's visit, stating once again he had no money, BUT he confirmed for Saturday. The court order explicitly states that if there is no visit/gas card on a Thursday, the visits are suspended for 7 days. My attorney called the court clerk to inform her of this and confirm. Great I had Saturday off, so I could plan ahead (cook, catch up on laundry, dishes, etc, stock up pre-cooked food in my all electric house) for the Hurricane which was to hit us that night. Nope. Friday afternoon the Kidsafe woman called to inform me the clerk called her and said the visit was on. Supposedly (and this I found out after) tbj emailed the clerk saying he had gone to Hartford to consult the old judge who had written the stupid orders (Frazzini) and he said I had to go. And they believed him. And at this point the court and my attorney had left for the weekend.

Saturday morning found me driving in torrential downpours for an hour-and-a-half to Kidsafe, where traffic was horrendous, with last minute shoppers no doubt searching out the non-existent flashlights stores sold out of days before. Where I then sat around for 2 hours to drive an hour-and-a-half home, while listening to the kids complain incessantly over the ridiculous visit with the monitor who is not allowed to be on my case. Aaaargh! Now to wait 2-3 weeks for my next contempt motion to come up. AND a week from today is the Magistrate Court, where he can go explain why he has paid child support ONCE in a month but has had PLENTY of money for Kidsafe (he confirmed again for this Thursday).

I guess this post wasn't really about food afterall, sorry.

The rising cost of food

2011-08-27T09:25:00.000-04:00

I have always been a bargain shopper out of necessity. In addition I have practiced amateur nutritionism (is that a word?) having read several books on food, health, and diet over the years. Michael Pollan is one of my favorite's. Yet, lately I can't seem to make the monthly food money last more than 2 1/2 weeks. What am I doing wrong? We get about $900/month for 10 people. To some, this probably sounds like a lot, to others, most likely not much. It is, however, much more than I used to have to spend, before tbj left, but then again, food prices have gone up considerably in those 4 1/2 years with the price of gas.

A few times a year, outside of the food card I buy 50 lb. sacks of wheat, oats, rice, and cornmeal. This is the basis of our diet. With the wheat I make our own bread several times a week, rarely ever buying it at the store. We usually eat oats for breakfast, I put some oats in my bread, and use them for baking. Corn bread is an accompaniment to chili or rice and beans, and corn muffins are also a breakfast option.

So, where am I going wrong? I rarely buy meat, we just don't eat much of it, and often we are given meat, anyway. I rarely buy juice or milk; we drink water or tea (or very dark coffee :)) I purchase honey, for use in bread, tea, and oatmeal. Honey is expensive. Coffee (the good kind) is expensive. Hmmmm, what else?

Here is a sample menu/list:

Pasta & Salad
Chili & Cornbread
Soup & Bread
Rice & Beans with Nachos
Peanut Butter Chicken w/ rice and brocolli

Lunches are either leftovers (if there are any) or lentils & rice, or a PBJ or egg salad sandwich.

Here would be the grocery store list for those 5 days:

3 boxes whole wheat pasta
3 jars Newman's own sauce
Grated parmesan cheese
lettuce, tomato, cucumber (if my garden is not in season), and I usually make my own dressing
2 cans red and 2 cans pinto beans
ground meat (sometimes)
chili powder (I usually have on hand)
3 cans Rotel
2 large cans crushed tomatoes (one for the rice & beans)
onions and peppers (once again, if not from my garden)
evaporated cane juice
chicken, carrots, celery
egg noodles
yeast, gluten, honey
2 cans black beans
2 bags nacho chips
brocolli
Natural jar peanut butter
sesame oil
2-3 lbs chicken thighs
eggs
coffee
tea
juice
popcorn

That's about it! Please leave a comment and HELP!

Although, let me just say that we never starve. God continues to provide for us, miraculously. Last week when my food card was exhausted, my kind neighbors, who had no idea, decided to "bless us before they had to start saving for winter oil" and delivered a car full of just the same groceries I would have bought! With extra milk and meat, besides! God is good.

Virtual Tag Sale

2011-08-21T12:57:00.001-04:00

Over the next couple of days I will be posting things for sale. I want to eliminate the Ebay middleman who takes a huge chunk of profit for himself. Yes, once again, things are desperate even though people are most generous. Before tbj quit his job I was getting partial child support, now since 8/12, I get nothing. Yet he still made me go to Kidsafe last week, and had the $165 for that. I can't wait until he explains that to the magistrate judge, the first Tuesday in September. He loves 3 of the 11 kids so much he can't ensure they have food on the table, or decent shoes, or toilet paper. Anyway, the first few items are mantillas:

This one is maroon lace with black trim, it is sparkly and long.

Here is a close up. $18

I have two of the common black adult-sized, $7

Child-sized ivory lace with a very pretty edge, $10

Mom to Mom, by Danielle Bean $5

~~Full of Grace, Johnette Benkovik $6~~ sold

Good Families Don't Just Happen $6

Keeping the Faith (from St. Benedict Center) $5

Like new, $12

~~The Catholic Girl's Guide, Fr. Lasance new $12~~ sold

Activity book is new, $12

~~A little shelf wear, new marks $10~~ sold

~~New $20/set~~ sold

If you are interested in any of these, leave a comment with your email and I'll send you my paypal or snail mail address. Thanks!

How long will he think he walks on water?

2011-08-15T15:32:00.000-04:00

I just got the call from Kidsafe that he confirmed a visit this week. This means he has $165 to give them instead of me for the 8 kids I am trying desperately to support. This also means that yet another week has gone by that he has not set up the counseling appointment he was ordered to set up by June 10th, to replace Kidsafe. And this further means that 2 1/2 more hours will be spent miserably at Kidsafe by my three youngest who have had two years of reports written about how miserable they are to be there.

AND the new g.a.l. has yet to make an appearance. He is supposed to ensure counseling started and monitor counseling (between tbj and the youngest 3). He has yet to return my attorney's phone calls, having his secretary say he is either in court or busy. For 2 months.

Tbj will have to show up at magistrate court the first Tuesday in September and explain how he has not paid child support. But had the money to visit a third of the children who live here. But could have gone to the counselor, as he was supposed to for $5 (as they work on a sliding scale, so he cannot use the fact he is unemployed without insurance).

It's an awful way to live life, my attorney says, having the court tell me what to do (thanks to Susan) and having to constantly fight for the rights of my children (thanks to Susan and Judge Frazzini).

So let's hope that the magistrate judge will run out of get-out-of-jail-free cards. My kids deserve a break, for more than a week.

God is good to me

2011-08-12T19:26:00.000-04:00

Constantly we face poverty and court and the issues surrounding a large, homeschooling, single-parent family (which are varied and many). But with the help of our friends, who are ALWAYS there for us, we also have enjoyment, peace, and togetherness. We may never get to vacation again, but a day away is a special pleasure. Thank you, Daniel.

It was a gorgeous day in NH, not too hot and nicely breezy.

The waves were awesome.

The beach not crowded at all.

And thank you, Lu and John, Mary, Karen, and Mackie.

You are always the sunshine in our days!

It's Official

2011-08-10T09:26:00.002-04:00

I just got the letter from Support Enforcement ...

He quit his job.

Predictions

2011-08-03T09:34:00.000-04:00

IF tbj does have the money to pay me, as he has been ordered, and still pays Kidsafe, then that proves he has more than enough money to continue paying me at the current ordered amount.

IF tbj doesn't pay the correct amount (and yes the state does withhold his pay, but he is a salesman and controls the amount of hours he works), and continues to pay Kidsafe, he will be in direct contempt and hopefully, most likely will be locked up (I never hold my breath anymore). Because paying Kidsafe also proves he has the money to pay the correct amount of child support.

IF tbj doesn't pay me OR Kidsafe, ... then I don't know. According to my attorney, he has to prove that his circumstances changed significantly since March, when the order was put in place. According to his financial affidavit yesterday, it hasn't. *It's funny to note that he had listed under his bills Jim Sullivan, his former attorney, in the amount of $98,000, and Susan at $5,000. He certainly doesn't pay them. He also had a federal student loan listed. I have a copy of his resume which has him possessing an MBA. He has not 1 legitimate college credit, and it doesn't cease to amaze me how he continues to build himself up to this day as some great man he is not. He was selling aluminum siding to a fellow magistrate court defendant in the hallway yesterday. Ludicrous.

In a nutshell, my testimony the next time we are in front of the magistrate judge because he filed for a modification (to pay less):

Your honor, he abandoned me with 10 children in 2007, after clearing out the bank accounts. It took me three months to get child support in place and it lasted for 6 months before he moved out of state.
In 2008, he frauded this court by producing fake checks he created to show he paid child support, after he was ordered to direct deposit, and while working at a bank out of state. A fact proven by a federal agent who will be testifying at my hearing in October to reopen the divorce. In 2009, he paid nothing at all, and I went on state assistance in September when Support Enforcement finally got involved. However, they didn't get him to pay anything until September 2010, when he started paying $300/week. It was later discovered by them that he had been employed since May, at the rate of $2300 per week. In the last 6 months alone, he owes me $8,000, not counting the taxes. All told, he is behind over 70 grand in child support. Is that a record?

I am very curious as to what he is going to do now. In magistrate court, he can't manipulate with his false cries of alienation. They only want the simple facts: you're letting 8 go hungry while paying to see three. Doesn't sound like alienation to me, sounds like a game to get back at the ex-wife, at the expense of the children.

Wow, it's been awhile!

2011-08-02T19:51:00.000-04:00

I didn't realize how busy with life I've been. I will update on our gings on soon, but today was ... COURT.

Magistrate court to be exact.

The day started at 6:30, when I had to drive Derek to work (car is dead ... again). Then on to glorious Rockville, where I sat and chatted about gardening with my very kind and very patient attorney until about 11:00, when support enforcement took us into the "negotiations room" to - ha- negotiate. Of course tbj started spouting about how he was overpaying, it was illegal to take "so much money out of his check," and how he had a motion to modify since January to pay me less that everyone kept ignoring.

1. He is on record with the Dept. of Labor since last July as making $2300/week. The order was made in March, retroactive to January when he could well afford it.

2. It is not illegal to take the ordered money out of his check. The guidelines for child support shouldn't exceed 65% of one's take-home pay, but most people don't have the amount of kids I do, and most people aren't receiving NOTHING for years at a time when tbj is hoarding thousands and starving the kids.

3. He never filed a motion last January. He claimed he did, but there was no record in the computer. Imagine, tbj lied.

Of course, right before it was my turn to go in, some guy keeled over, and believe me it wasn't the heat, the courtroom is an icebox. The ambulance was called, the court cleared, more wait.

It was finally my turn to go before the magistrate judge right before the lunch break. Right off I am told that this court has no jurisdiction over the contempt Judge Suarez passed onto them a couple weeks ago when he refused to hear the charges that tbj didn't pay me the $1700 he was ordered to pay by June 14th. (From the income taxes he never filed) This will now have to go back in front of him, ... in October. Well, I will be asking for 4 months interest.

The magistrate judge asks tbj why he hasn't paid the court-ordered child support since March. Here's what he says:

"She (me) has an incarceration order because she alienated the children against me, Judge Frazzini found her in contempt, and I have to pay for Kidsafe because of her alienation and I can't afford to live after I pay her $40 in gas money and it's not fair."

Son of a beach, nothing ever changes, does it? He's dang wrong and he goes straight to the kill, bringing every slur against me to muddy the waters when this court has NO jurisdiction or concern with me, or visitation what-so-ever. The magistrate tells him this. Good sign.

She asks him again why he hasn't paid me. He tells her he doesn't have any money leftover after Kidsafe, tells her he filed a motion to modify in January. Clerk tells her, no, there's no record of that.

Clock is ticking, almost recess for lunch.

My lawyer tells her that Kidsafe is optional, that it is supervised vistitation for THREE children and child support is for EIGHT children, that Judge Frazzini knew perfectly well he was paying for Kidsafe when he ordered the gas card, and Judge Suarez knew perfectly well he was paying for Kidsafe when he ordered child support increased by almost double in March.

Oh, and by the way, where is the Department of Justice witness he told Judge Suarez would be testifying for him today? I didn't see anyone. He also asked for his pro bono magistrate attorney, and was denied.

One minute after the lunch break the magistrate gave him his 50th get-out-of-jail-free card. She told him it was his lucky day (aren't they all?) and that she wouldn't order a lump sum or incarceration BUT he will pay me the full amount starting this week, he will show up the first Tuesday of every month, in magistrate court, and he will have to prove via support enforcement that he did. Or, my lawyer said, he better have his toothbrush with him. Especially if he has money for Kidsafe, and not me. He already cancelled this week.

Funny, he wouldn't and shouldn't even have that excuse if he was going to the counselor he was ordered to start going to 6 weeks ago. He does have insurance. But then, that is a motion for the new g.a.l. to bring, and no one's even heard from him yet.

I still can't get over though, the lengths this person (tbj) goes through to ensure my children don't have food, shelter, and clothing. It is sickening.

From tonight's Breviary:

Then do not fear when a man grows rich,

when the glory of his house increases.
He takes nothing with him when he dies,
his glory does not follow him below.

Though he flattered himself while he lived:
“Men will praise me for all my success,”
yet he will go to join his fathers,
who will never see the light any more.

In his riches, man lacks wisdom:
he is like the beasts that are destroyed.

Court: The joke that's on me.

2011-07-19T08:46:00.000-04:00

So I haven't been posting lately about these things because I didn't want tbj to know what was coming for him. Like it mattered.

Yesterday were my motions for contempt, which were served by a sheriff in his hand and filed with the court a month ago. They were a) He was ordered to pay me $610 a week in March, retroactive to January 21st of this year, and as of now the arrearage is close to $11,000. b) He was ordered to give me $1700 from a tax efund he never filed by June 14th and I haven't seen it. Those were both Judge Suarez's orders. c) We are to reopen the divorce with evidence of fraud because a special agent from the US Attorney's Office has been working with me for months and has found evidence of $15,000 in checks that are fake from when he worked at the bank in NJ and which he presented to the court as evidence that he paid child support two years ago.

I got to court yesterday at 9:00 to sign in with Family Relations, who do not want to deal with me but it's a requirement before you get to see the judge. Around 11:30 we get called in and my attorney explains it's a money issue, he has not paid $10,800 since the end of January and $1714 since 6/14 when the judge told him to give me the the tax refund I would have gotten when he made me refile and then never paid to refile because he wasn't getting anything.

TBJ says he was already served by the magistrate court, he has 5th Amendment rights and he can't be served twice for the same thing. And that he has someone from the Federal Justice department as a witness ready for August 2nd. Family Relations sends us into the judge.

Support Enforcement, who did serve him in magistrate court was there to help me with specifics and were fully aware we had filed sooner.

It is Judge Suarez, the one who screamed at him last time, threatened him with jail and ordered him to pay all of this money. Around 12:40, the Judge sees us. My attorney explains why we are there, and that we have an additional motion to reopen the divorce due to a special investigator from the federal government with proof of check fraud. I predicted all along that the judge would be furious, give him two weeks to get an attorney and threaten him with jail. This is what the judge does:

"How's visitation going," he asks. This is not about visitation, we say, it is simple contempt for non-payment of child support. He cancelled the last three visits anyway, we tell him. Well, the judge says, "How do I know that? Judge Frazzini made it perfectly clear that she (me) would show up in court twice a week with the paper to prove if a visit occured. My lawyer asked how should I do that if there is no visit there is no gas card for me and why do I have to drive 2 hours when he cancels, to prove he cancelled?! He said he was going to issue a warrant for my incarceration today because he hadn't heard from me. The kidsafe woman's email wasn't sufficient. The judge said I had to drive 4 times a week. Then he said to go schedule a hearing, he wasn't hearing my motions today.

Once again, as has happeed so many, many times in the past 4 1/2 years, my motions, which were filed, served, and scheduled, which I have to drive over an hour and sit for a day to have heard, were thrown out the door. WHY?! This was the judge who didn't like him, what the hell is going on? Is tbj's father paying this judge now? The other judge, Frazzini, who made my life a living hell for so long always ruled 180 degrees from the evidence and the witnesses. Something was definitely wrong. Something is certainly wrong now.

I should not even be driving to Kidsafe, let alone proving I did, because Frazzini's orders made it perfectly clear within a week or two counseling would start and that would take the place. Well Catholic Charities refuses to see tbj now, he threatened them, and no one will help me due to hippa. I imagine if they're subpoenaed, they will testify that he is not allowed there and why. How is it a violation of hippa if he's not a patient and if it's a threat? All he does is threaten. He threatened my attorney with sanctions because she filed a motion against him. And everyone but my attorney, believes him.

We're in the hallway waiting for caseflow to schedule my hearing and tbj starts spouting to my attorney that we should get together and file against Susan for ruining Catholic Charities when we all know it was his emails of lies that got us thrown out. I am not even supposed to be in Kidsafe, I am supposed to be driving the kids to counseling with him, then my order of incarceration goes away and it's 10 minutes instead of an hour and 10 minutes for me to drive. This is insane. Tbj said he never got the email with the new counseling center that was ordered before Susan left over 3 weeks ago. Can he ever speak the truth? Ever? Now he has until Friday to call, we file another contempt motion, wait 4 weeks for it to come up and I wait until 8/2 for the magistrate to hear my money issues from today, when his federal justice system witness will be there, supposedly, testifying he doesn't have to pay me.

Yeah, right. And in the mean time, he confirmed Kidsafe for this Thursday, and I have no money.

It is unbelievable how he cannot pay me $610 a week, as the court has ordered, yet he can pay Kidsafe $125 to $250 a week. If the money for child support is coming out of his check, where is the additional money coming from? Why did he cancel the last three, right before a court date, with the excuse he had no money, then when my motion is rescheduled he all of a sudden has money to pay again?!

The thing is, he confirmed this week's visit on Friday, court was cancelled Monday. Tell me court isn't corrupt. Tell me tbj isn't evil.

Garden Progress

2011-07-15T14:08:00.000-04:00

Green tomatoes.

Peas came and are already eaten!

Yellow beans.

Next year I will make the garden 10X bigger. Now that I know we are capable of growing things.

Happy Feast of St. Benedict!

2011-07-11T16:27:00.000-04:00

One of my favorites. Although these pictures are rather random, I wanted to show off two of my handsome sons in Rome:

Derek was fortunate enough to visit Ian for two weeks recently.

They were able to see the Pope, in a really cool hat!

The last few days of Derek's trip were spent in a Benedictine Monastery in Avignon, France.

We're Jammin'

2011-07-10T20:32:00.000-04:00

Today we had to process all of our berries. We were certainly jammin.

Time to process the berries.

Turning them upside down makes them seal without a water bath.

Raspberry jam.

Blueberry pie.

The end of picking day...

2011-07-09T23:04:00.000-04:00

Went out with a blast. Literally. We went to the annual fireworks on the Lebanon Town Green.

Waiting patiently.

Waiting with a purpose.

The people next to us were launching Chinese Lanterns. They were really cool and traveled very far and high.

Getting dark, almost time.

Blueberries and Raspberries and Ponies

2011-07-09T18:39:00.001-04:00

This weekend's excursion was to Lyman Orchards for Berry Fest. Most of us made the trek and many hands made for quick picking.

We started with blueberries.

The best ones were either really high, or really low. We had both extremes covered.

Guess what tomorrow's project will be!

Blueberry muffins, blueberry pie and blueberry jam.

Blueberries on our cereal.

Pickin' low.

Now off to the raspberry patch.

It's a start.

The orchards were huge, and it was a beautiful day.

Getting the big ones.

Serious picker.

Do we have enough?

The wildlife on the grounds was lovely, too.

Berry Fest included pony rides!

The day's not over yet, part two later...

Our Lady of Mount Carmel Novena

2011-07-08T08:17:00.000-04:00

Please say this with me for my (and my children's) intentions in court, for the outcome of Lesa's trial in her favor, and for a miraculous cure for Mary B. If we start today, the novena will end on the Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel, July 16th. A very special day.

First day

O Beautiful Flower of Carmel, most fruitful vine, splendor of heaven, holy and singular, who brought forth the Son of God, still ever remaining a pure virgin, assist us in our necessity! O Star of the Sea, help and protect us! Show us that you are our Mother!(pause and mention petitions)

Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us!

Second day

Most Holy Mary, Our Mother, in your great love for us you gave us the Holy Scapular of Mount Carmel, having heard the prayers of your chosen son Saint Simon Stock. Help us now to wear it faithfully and with devotion. May it be a sign to us of our desire to grow in holiness.(pause and mention petitions)

Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us!

Third day

O Queen of Heaven, you gave us the Scapular as an outward sign by which we might be known as your faithful children. may we always wear it with honor by avoiding sin and imitating your virtues. Help us to be faithful to this desire of ours.(pause and mention petitions)

Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us!

Fourth day

When you gave us, Gracious Lady, the Scapular as our Habit, you called us to be not only servants, but also your own children. We ask you to gain for us from your Son the grace to live as you children in joy, peace and love. (pause and mention petitions)

Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us!

Fifth day

O Mother of Fair Love, through your goodness, as your children, we are called to live in the spirit of Carmel. Help us to live in charity with one another, prayerful as Elijah of old, and mindful of our call to minister to God's people.

(pause and mention petitions)

Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us!

Sixth day

With loving provident care, O Mother Most Amiable, you covered us with your Scapular as a shield of defense against the evil one. Through your assistance, may we bravely struggle against the powers of evil, always open to your Son Jesus Christ.(pause and mention petitions)

Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us!

Seventh day

O Mary, Help of Christians, you assured us that wearing your Scapular worthily would keep us safe from harm. Protect us in both body and soul with your continual aid. may all that we do be pleasing to your Son and to you.(pause and mention petitions)

Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us!

Eigth day

You give us hope, O Mother of Mercy, that through your Scapular promise we might quickly pass through the fires of purgatory to the Kingdom of your Son. Be our comfort and our hope. Grant that our hope may not be in vain but that, ever faithful to your Son and to you, we may speedily enjoy after death the blessed company of Jesus and the saints.(pause and mention petitions)

Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us!

Ninth day

O Most Holy Mother of Mount Carmel, when asked by a saint to grant privileges to the family of Carmel, you gave assurance of your Motherly love and help to those faithful to you and to your Son.Behold us, your children. We glory in wearing your holy habit, which makes us members of your family of Carmel, through which we shall have your powerful protection in life, at death and even after death.

Look down with love, O Gate of Heaven, on all those now in their last agony!

Look down graciously, O Virgin, Flower of Carmel, on all those in need of help!

Look down mercifully, O Mother of our Savior, on all those who do not know that they are numbered among your children.

Look down tenderly, O Queen of All Saints, on the poor souls!

(pause and mention petitions)

Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be

Our Lady of Mount Carmel, pray for us!

Home Skills and Farm School

2011-07-07T17:15:00.000-04:00

When Justin comes over we always have gourmet food, and he always enlists his protegee (Liam) to help. He is training Liam as a sous chef, supposedly. That is fine with me, as we have been eating exclusively vegetarian lately, and I just ordered this cookbook. I will be training Liam for the Monastery :) He wants to be a monk, might as well be one who cooks what he grows.

Kale slaw with anchovy dressing and hard-boiled egg pushed through a sieve. It was amazing, the kids ate it up.

Pasta with three different colors of baby tomatoes.

Served with fresh basil and freshly grated parmesan.

Our first day of farm school for the youngest three, with a sweet woman from church who's had the organic farm in her family since the 1700's.

Learning about the tractor.

Some farm animals.

I want this chicken house!

Planting radishes.

A mother chicken.

The start of my pantry. I am hoping for a very productive season, between my small garden and Sally's huge one, Shari's generosity and our local pick-your-own excursions, I am off to a good start. I have made strawberry jam, sauerkraut, pickeld eggs and pickled okra. Justin has made many exotic varieties of pickles, and I hope to learn pressure canning at farm school! The large orange containers are wheat and rice, cornmeal and oats. I have been baking bread from fresh-ground wheat for years. This year I am branching out. What else can I do for self-sufficiency?

For my birthday to you

2011-07-01T08:09:00.000-04:00

When I was growing up, and actually right until the year she died and I was 23, my mother gave me a gift for her birthday. She said it was because I was her greatest gift. Well, I have 11 precious gifts and no money, but a very dear friend gave me quite a generous birthday gift this year and I decided to use it to take my gifts to the zoo. I took all 11 (two of my biological children are in Rome, so I supplemented with two of my "might as well be my children")

The zoo (Southwick's in Mendon, MA) had a very nice petting zoo, with lots of newborn baby goats. We miss our goats.

Can you see the baby goat in this picture? It's being loved to death.

Some of the crew looking for the porcupine, I believe.

The zoo also had a very awesome deer walk. This wasn't there the last time I had been, about 16 years ago!

You could feed the deer right out of your hand.

There were also impressive animals at the zoo.

Lunch.

Lunch for this nursing monkey, too.

You don't see these often.

What are the older ones doing?

Waiting for Dominic to play at the playground. For... a ...long...time.

My two "babies."

One last treat on the way home.

Gardening, not my forte

2011-06-29T10:09:00.000-04:00

I have never successfully grown anything in my life (besides children). Shortly before we moved we had help in setting up a huge garden, complete with electric fencing to prevent the deer from decimating it. Well, there was a thunder storm, the lightening took out the fence, and you can guess the rest.

This time we decided to start small. My first raised bed has cucumbers, zucchini, lettuce, and peas.

The second has tomatoes, peppers, cabbage, and beans.

This is a leftover spot with celery, squash, and more tomatoes.

Onions and radishes.

This is a week or so after the first picture.

Peppers and cabbage don't look too well, beans and tomatoes are flourishing.

Some crowded transplants.

They're actually growing!

Our first crop, radishes.

Our Strawberry Project

2011-06-25T20:02:00.000-04:00

The Lord God said 6 days shall you labor... so I try and keep the kids busy on Saturdays. I usually have them deep clean the house and the yard, and we have also been working on our garden which is coming along quite nicely. My latest plan, however is to take advantage of the local available produce and teach the kids sustainable skills that will stay with them for life. Who knows what our economy will be like when they're older. Self-sufficiency is a skill that is also an asset no one can take away from you. I am a long time reader of Countryside and Backwoods Home, and someday we will all have a quaint little homestead that we know how to run.

Step 1: Pick the strawberries at a local farm.

Make sure to get the big, ripe ones!

Step 2: Clean and hull berries, mash slightly and boil with pectin and organic cane juice crystals.

Step 3: Seal in a water bath canner for 10 minutes.

Step 4: Make strawberry shortcake on homemade biscuits.

Step 5: Enjoy strawberry shortcake.

Alot!

Homemade organic strawberry jam.

Susan is Gone!!!

2011-06-21T21:51:00.000-04:00

And that is huge. She did not leave me without problems, however. I had to travel to Kidsafe Thursday afternoon, Saturday morning, and then this morning to deliver my signed notice to the court that I had made both visits. He was ordered to give me a gas card for Thursday. It does not cover Saturday and my Monday morning trips to keep myself out of jail. It is simply ludicrous. The proof could easily be faxed from the Kidsafe building, or myself, or the Kidsafe woman could literally run it across the street. And the visits have not changed. The kids are miserable.

Counseling was supposed to have started between him and the three children this week. He was ordered to complete his intake with the counselor by last week and set up a session this week with one or all three of the kids, depending on the counselor's preference. If this happens, I am free from Kidsafe on Thursdays. So of course he won't make it happen. He did LIE, of course to Susan, and her attorney, and my attorney, last week by sending them all an email stating he had made contact with the counselor, a certain Dr. M. And that he had been in the building 2 hours, filling out his paperwork. According to this email, Dr. M would see him in July, to discuss goals, and then by the end of August, he would be ready for the family therapy with the kids. LIES, LIES, AND MORE LIES. For one thing, I specifically talked to Dr. M last week 3 seperate times, and he does not do family therapy, first of all, and he had never heard of tbj. Imagine that. Secondly, I spoke with the agency this morning who informed me that tbj had an appointment last week, and blew it off.

So what it comes down to is, as long as he doesn't make the appt. (Hippa doesn't allow me to schedule it for him, even though it includes my children), I have to drive to Kidsafe twice a week, sometimes three times, taking valuable money and time away from my household, and also be unable to work. He knows this. As the counselor told me this morning, "It is just a control issue on his part." Of course it is, that's all this 4 1/2 years of court has been about. He has gotten away wih virtually every disgusting thing he has inflicted upon my innocent children, and Susan and Judge Frazzini gave him their blessings, time after time.

Susan is gone. Frazzini is gone. They polluted the waters with their inane and malicious orders, but things can only get better. Right?

One little thing I forgot

2011-06-11T12:23:00.000-04:00

The judge yesterday, in stating his orders, told the court that Susan was an exemplary g.a.l. The best he ever worked with. Sound familiar? The court-appointed psychologist said the same thing last year. He gushed on about ow she went above and beyond her call of duty in advocating for my children.

This is most assuredly one of the most distressing things of all. If Susan had listened to ALL of my children in Novemeber of 2007, we would not still be dragging them through the corrosive, corruptive muck, of the evil American system of injustice.

She spent a grand total of 2 hours with my three youngest children in 3 AND A HALF YEARS. That's above and beyond?! She threatened me, harrassed me, lied about me (under oath), ignored me, hung up on me, ignored my children, complained about her job and her bill repeatedly, filed motions against me, told the court to take my kids away from me at one point, and at every turn advocated for the most vile male ever to grace this earth, my ex-husband. Who gloats and rejoices with the second-most, his father, every time he gets away with "beating" me in court and never, ever, has to pay, ever.

Contempt part 2

2011-06-10T21:27:00.001-04:00

One thing I forgot to mention about Monday was a quote from Susan about me: "How dare she think she knows what's best for her children?!" Then she introduced a report she got from some training about parental alienation by someone unknown and proceeded to tell the judge that the report says my kids are going to grow up dysfunctional because I alienated their father. Okay this report was about a father who ABANDONED 11 children and then decided a couple years later, when his girlfriend dumped him, that he wanted to see the youngest three? The ones he didn't have the opportunity yet to physically, verbally, and mentally abuse? Who didn't and couldn't articulate that fact to the idiot of a court-appointed psychologist because they were too little?

It's amazing that of these already alienated older ones, four are going to college: a 15 and 16 year-old are freshman, an eighteen year-old will be a junior, a twenty-one year old is getting a Master's in Theology in Rome. They sound dysfunctional, don't they?

Tbj questioned me up and down about where the money for college was coming from. Financial aid and scholarships of course. I have no idea what he was getting at, but the judge should have jumped all over it to ask him why HE wasn't contributing.

So my defense against incarceration was lack of money to afford gas for all that driving in my 12-year-old Suburban, and Dana the Nasty jumped all over that saying, if I in fact called Kidsafe every week, why did I bother if I couldn't afford it? I told the court I called to beg for the gas cards I was supposed to be getting, to convince them to make arrangements closer to me, and to implore him to take a monitor and drive the distance to MY house with the money he was saving from Saturday's that were cancelled. Kidsafe was very understanding about all of this and tried to beg him for me, they were the ones who offered the roving monitor, but he would never do it.

Remember, support enforcement had 6 months of his paystubs in March from the Department of Labor stating he made $2300/week. He could well have afforded it.

I had to bring all of my household bills today and give him and Susan copies; oil, electric, rent, phone, etc. Then I introduced the statement I just received from Support Enforcement showing the child support I received from January to now, and that I was $2000 a month short, where was gas money coming from? Of course Dana and tbj both objected to the statement, stating it wasn't accurate, there was no one from support enforcement there to back it up, and that his was different than mine. The judge didn't allow it in.

Tbj picked out bills here and there, took a financial affidavit I had made for a fee waiver for a subpoena, and tried to convince the judge I was lying as to what my bills were and how much I made. Nope. He introduced his last two pay stubs by putting himself on the stand and having a conversation with the judge. It showed he made $152 a week after the $300 and not the $600 was taken out for child support. He testified he worked 60 hours a week and that he paid for insurance for all of the kids (What?! I constantly get notices from support enforcement saying they are trying to get him to pay for insurance, but he has NEVER). He told the judge that the Department of Justice is taking on his Magistrate case because they are taking out more than the 65% allowable by law, and that the State Bar will be dealing with my attorney (??) and that he would love to pay what he was ordered but can't.

What happened to all of the months you were making $2300 a week and gave my client NOTHING, my attorney asked him then? He kept $65,000 for himself just 6 months ago. Where was that? And his new car? And his Blackberry? And his other two cars? How was he paying his rent if Kidsafe took the last penny from his check?

It was all soooo ridiculous. When isn't it?! The judge asked Susan if after all of the testimony she changed any recommendations, so she wrote some new ones out: She testified Monday that unsupervised visitation would be a mistake, Trinity and Jordan were showing signs of not wanting to go (ya think?) and that I would probably accuse him of something. Today she recommended unsupervised with pickup and dropoff at the state police barracks (I already told the judge Monday, police don't get involved in visitation). She still recommended I go to jail and do community service, for 26 days, each. She recommended I go to counseling at Humphrey and Catholic Charities. She asked to be removed again, and to have the court location changed.

This is what the judge ruled, without even leaving the bench to think about it: I am in contempt. I could have found some money to get to Kidsafe. I also have poisoned my poor three youngest children against their loving father (excuse me while I puke into my mouth, nothing will come out as I haven't eaten). I am guilty of alienation. He ordered incarceration, to be stayed if I go to court every Monday and Friday, after visits happen at Kidsafe on Thursdays and Saturdays, with a signed note from the Kidsafe monitor to prove I went. Therefore, I will be driving 8 hours a week to Rockville, four different days, and obviously will never be able to work. However, tbj is to provide a $40 gas card at every visit, if he doesn't I don't have to go to the next one. Visits on Thursdays will stop once visits happen therapeutically between him and the children at Catholic Charities, where the counselor already said she recommends no visits. I am not allowed to file a motion to that affect. There is no clarification as to when the counseling will start, so tbj has the capability to never schedule an appointment and keep me driving to Rockville, indefinitely. The judge also excused Susan, to tbj's ginormous objection, as soon as a new g.a.l. is found, thereby excusing her awful witch of an attorney, as well. He excused himself, too, but put these motions in place before he left, and kept the venue in good 'ol Rockville. Susan called me names and badmothed me for 6 hours on Monday, today the judge told me I was adversarial to her, she told him I have repeatedly posted blogs of a personal nature about her, distressing to her family and accusing her of being tbj's girlfriend. (I do believe that was reader comments, and how can anyone have had distressed my family to the point this lying, vindictive woman has mine, at the guise of advocating for my children).

As a last little reward for tbj, the judge stated that after counseling was complete, tbj could have the youngest three every Friday at 5:00 until Sunday at 5:00, and Thursdays for dinner.

There is a meeting of attorney's in Hartford with the judge on Tuesday to clarify these ridiculous orders.

Now I need to find some way to stay the utter despair that is engulfing me.

I'm in contempt for doing what is best for my children

2011-06-10T19:42:00.000-04:00

Court was all day Monday and all day Friday, and still not quite finished. Monday started with Susan on the stand in continuation from March. It was her motion against me, for missing visits that I have to drive over an hour to, six times a month and wait for, and all of the makeups imposed for missing the ones I missed. I missed a visit in December, when I was deathly ill, and I gave her a doctor's note. I missed the "proposed makeup" on New Year's Day because it was a Holy Day, and he cancelled it anyway because he was supposedly in a car accident. I missed a couple in March because that was when the counselor set up visits with the girls after I had taken them to the pediatrician because they had started wetting the bed after Kidsafe visits. The counselor only had Thursday afternoons available, which she told Susan several times and to which Susan testified, I "had deliberately set up counseling on Thursdays to get out of visits." Then there was the Thursday Susan made me go to the counselor to get a release so Susan could talk to her, which was totally ridiculous as the counselor told Susan she recommended no more visits and Susan completely ignored that. April 7th was the visit Susan testified she observed, which she did not according to the report, and she also testified that Trinity kicked tbj, which "she saw" but which was also not in the report. She told the judge I am condoning rotten behavior in my children by "allowing them to kick, hit, and spit on their father, and not do anything about it." How, my lawyer asked her, was I to do anything about it if it wasn't in the reports? Either the Kidsafe reports weren't accurate, or Susan was lying. April 7th was also the day tbj's father illegally showed up and the Kidsafe supervisor said after that, no one would be a monitor except her, so she took away the Saturdays, due to her inavailability. The next three Thursdays of April I called to see if a visit was scheduled and was told by the supervisor, "The visits were cancelled by Susan, you didn't call her back within 24 hours." No one could ever say, though, what the 24 hours were. Susan testified that Kidsafe wanted a confirmation within 24 hours of her call on Monday, but I called 24 hours before the visit was to occur because I do not know until I hear from support enforcement if I will have money that week or not. So up to this point I missed no visits according to my own fault, but Susan and her attorney told the judge I had missed 26, a magic number they pulled out of .... where?

Susan was on the stand 6 and a half hours on Monday calling me names, lying under oath repeatedly, and basically slamming me every which way from Thursday for everythng she could think of which had absolutely nothing to do with any question being asked of her. She lied to the judge about me throwing her out of my house when she was here, and discussing things of an adult nature in front of children who weren't present. She lied about observing a visit for an hour and saying my daughter kicked him. She lied about me scheduling counseling on Thursday when the counselor told her several times that wasn't true, at all. She lied about hanging up on me several times when she called me and I attempted to ask her questions about visitation, such as what had she done to schedule something closer to me, as she was ordered to do? She told the judge that the psych report from 2009 said I "had an incurable personality disorder called narcissism and I was histrionic and needed two years of personal counseling." Then she made these recommendations:

That I be incarcerated one day for every visit I missed, 26 according to her. And that I do 8 hours of community service for each missed visit at the Salvation Army. That the visits be suspended until the kids go to counseling with tbj, seperately, and that we each go to coparenting counseling at a different counseling center. That I not be allowed to file any additional motions, seeing as how I had one pending for NO VISTATION, based on the counselor's recommendation, for months now. That she be rmoved as g.a.l. and that the court change venue to Norwich, which is an hour closer to me.

Of course the last two recommendations were perfectly a-ok with me.

Tbj's daddy was there, of course, sitting right behind him, passing notes the entire day, telling him what to say. Which was allowed. Tbj questioned Susan, extensively, about her feelings for me and my alienation of the children to which she responded with no hestitation or thought, a flowing conversation between the two of them, as if every last word had been rehearsed over and over.

I was on the stand for the last hour and a half, to which Dana, the Nasty, Susan's attorney, tore me a new one, as usual, saying how I willingingly failed to obey a court order, how I willingly alienate the children against their loving "father," how I keep saying he'll be arrested, and seeing as how he hasn't been he must be a good person, how I don't have respect for the court and never have and blatantly disobey and shouldn't be allowed to get a way with it.

Well, she's right. I do not have respect for the court, especially that one: Tolland County, Judge Frazzini, Susan Lee Heintz, g.a.l., Dana Clark attorney for the g.a.l. They are corrupt, morally bankrupt, blind, and just flat out disgusting beyond words. I lost 7 pounds this week, they make me sick to my stomach.

Then tbj got to question me. That is by far, the most distressing of all. He calls me Ms. Bothur and asks me why I can't afford to drive to Kidsafe, isn't it true my son, Derek, gives me his check and I make a million dollars on book sales? Isn't it true his daddy and mommy offered to pick up the kids and drive them to Kidsafe? Doesn't St. Mary's have a computer I can use?

So according to him, who has not followed the court order of Judge Suarez, who made him pay me $600/week since January, and he has paid half when he pays, I should be perfectly capable paying $40 a visit in gas to deliver my kids an hour+ each way 6 times a month, or my son who has been providing for his siblings since he was 15, should pay. The thing about his paerents was just ridiculous, they haven't spoken to me or my children EVER in 15 years or offered ANYTHING at any time.

That was Monday. Today was far, far worse.

Prayer request for court tomorrow

2011-06-05T18:11:00.000-04:00

It is the continuation of the g.a.l.'s contempt motion against me for missing visits at Kidsafe. From March. The last visit before this past Thursday was the visit in April that Susan, herself, was supposed to witness and tbj snuck his father into, remember? Anyway, most of the missed visits were because Susan cancelled them because I didn't respond within 24 hours of her email. Well, excuse me, but I did respond to each and every visit, be it 24 hours and 5 minutes, or not. My attorney after a while of these crazy games, told me to respond to Kidsafe directly, and I did. Only to be told the visit had been cancelled by Susan, because I was "too late" even if it was a day or two before the visit was to happen.

Then there was the time my car was dead, to the tune of $875, and I asked if he could come here with Kidsafe to get them. Or postpone, or something seeing as how I didn't have a car to use because Derek had to work because he wasn't paying child support. Nope. Then Courtney and Brandon had college orientation, could we schedule here, or change the day? Nope. Then I got a job. After all of the months in court when Susan and her nasty attorney Dana, commented on how I should have a job (because they knew I wasn't getting child support and thought I should just support everyone myself, after all they were career women, and then I could just deliver the kids on my day off with my own dollar). Well, life doesn't work like that. After one devoted her life to raising and homeschooling numerous children for a couple of decades and had nothing but a degree in English and no marketable assets or experience, one takes what one can get, and that usually involves getting scheduled to work whenever they want you. Which of course, makes me in contempt, according to Susan. I can't win. I'll never win, as long as she is out to destroy me, which she has been for over 4 years now.

So pray hard, please. I go up against Susan and Dana at 10 a.m. Because I didn't go to Kidsafe when my car died, when my kids (the ones that don't count) had important appointments, when I had to work, and he wouldn't compromise. And when I didn't go on Saturday, when Kidsafe took that away from tbj themselves, because he snuck his father into a visit against the rules.

I could actually be sent to jail. Or be fined (which of course, I'll just tell the judge to take out of the $78 grand he owes me). Or, worst of all, be made to double the visits, which will entail me losing my job, and which will cost me twice as much in gas, and well, you all know the story.

Pray our justice system actually metes out justice. And as always, pray for my kids.

Modesty and How We Dress (especially at Mass)

2011-06-01T09:51:00.000-04:00

If you're still with me, here are some excerpts from St. Robert Bellarmine's blog on the same subject:

Immodesty Is Wrong At All Ages

Unfortunately, even some older women of otherwise
upright character, even daily communicants, sometimes
wear such revealing clothing. Maybe they think that
they’re beyond the age of posing a temptation (and
maybe they are). However, they are giving bad
example to others - most notably their own daughters
and grandchildren. They, too, are committing scandal.
Those who see them will think: “She’s a good Catholic,
and she wears revealing clothing. It must be okay.”

Immodesty Does Not Fit God's Standards

Someone might argue that the wearing of revealing
clothing now meets with society's standards. It may
indeed meet with society's standards; however, we can
safely say that it does not meet with God’s. As
Christians, we are not to be followers of society's
standards, but the standards of Christ. We urge every
woman to examine her wardrobe (and that of her minor
children if she has any), and get rid of all clothing that
is immodest unless it can be adapted to be worn
modestly.

I know I post about this subject often, but summer is here... and we all know what that means. Just a couple days ago I was in a church for the Memorial Day Mass, which is usually held in the cemetery, and wasn't this time because of rain. Most of the attendees were older individuals, and most were wearing shorts, and sleeveless shirts. And just to shoot off topic for a moment, most were also chatting as if it were coffee hour just before Mass began, as me and three sisters from the convent next door were trying to pray.

Anyway, for most of my readers I know I am preaching to the choir, but come on people, most churches are air-conditioned. And even if yours isn't (like mine), go to an earlier Mass when it's still cool outside, or offer up your discomfort for one hour for the sake of, I don't know, the Holy Souls in Purgatory. It wasn't too long ago that there wasn't air-conditioning at all (we are great fans of Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons), and people certainly wore a whole lot more clothing than we do even when we're being modest. And they survived the heat, and worshipped in the heat, too.

Budgeting

2011-05-26T10:28:00.000-04:00

This is a list of tips I just received from an email loop I am on:

1. Be a one-car family.
This I wish I could do, and often (when one of our cars is broken) we are. Derek uses his car for work and school, I have to keep the Suburban because it is the only vehicle that fits us (barely) and I use it as little as possible with gas prices above $4/gallon.

2. Get rid of your cell phone.
This I can't do, Derek and I both have one, we pay around $65/month for both and have no texting or added features. We also only have the free phones that come with the plan. If I am away, I need to know my kids can reach me.

3. For your home phone, cut call waiting, long distance, caller id. These are not needs.
Done.

4. Get rid of your cable/satellite tv. This will also save you electricity and give you 15 or more hours a week to get more done!
Did this 4 years ago!

5. Stop eating out.
I eat out if someone treats me :)
6. Cook from scratch.
Always! I'm all about health.

7. Drink water.
We only ever have soda if it's a party. We do make our own iced tea. And I have to have my morning (and sometimes afternoon) coffee :)

8. Grow as much food as possible on your property.
I am doing that, for the first time! I could never keep a houseplant alive, ever. This spring I started tomatoes, peppers, and eggplant from seeds in the kitchen,... and they grew! I have a couple raised beds and there are beans, zucchini, and cucumbers growing! We dug a couple small spots and planted onions and radishes. They sprouted! I'm hooked. This weekend, if Derek allows me to dig up more of his precious lawn, I will plant more lettuce and cabbage.

9. Buy used clothing. Use hand-me downs. Make clothes over. Participate in/host clothing swaps.
Do it. Do it. Watching a video on sewing to learn how to do it.

10. Mend your clothes.
Trying! Socks are just ridiculous around here, especially for the older boys. They're either missing or holey.
Jeans are the same. No sooner do I buy one of the middle boys a pair of jeans, but there's a hole in the knee.

11. Stop shopping. Only go to the store when absolutely neccessary. Try to limit your shopping to once every two weeks, or once a month. Buy enough so that you don't have to go more than that. Don't ever run to the store for just one thing.
This I need to implement. I am always at the store. No sooner do I get home then I'm told, "We're out of this...or that." It's awful. I think I have adult-onset ADD, I can't keep track of necessities to save my life, if I don't write it down, forget it!

12. Buy generic. Get the store brand. You might even find that you like it better!
Do it.

13. Use coupons. Sometimes the name brand can be cheaper this way.
Don't do it. Most coupons are for things I would never buy anyway.

14. Eat less expensive foods: potatoes, beans, rice, soups
That goes without saying, these are our staples.

15. Turn your thermostat to 79º in the summer, and to 65º (or less) in the winter.
I just turn it off in the summer.

16. Learn to make things instead of buying them.
Hmmmm. How do you make toilet paper? Or printer ink?

17. Learn how to do your own repairs.
This we do try as much as possible, the boys are very handy despite their lack of ever being trained in these things. We don't know how to fix cars, though.

18. Get rid of your pets, unless they are a food source (chickens, goats, pigs, cows).
I wish I could have chickens and goats here! I miss them.

19. Cut hair at home. For the price of some clippers and some good scissors, you will have paid for your clippers in two or three haircuts.
I've been doing this forever.

20. Turn off your computer at night, and ceiling fans when you're not in the room.
The kids need to learn this one. We have a ceiling fan in every room, and they're usually on.

21. Use the real thing instead of disposable: towels, napkins, plates, glasses, diapers.
Don't need anymore diapers :( The rest we do use real, except I find it hard to live without paper towels, because then I'm washing 58 real ones a day.

22. Plan your meals around the sales, instead of planning your meals and then shopping. Better yet, stock your pantry around the sales, and then make whatever you want!

23. Remember--if you can't afford it, it doesn't matter how good of a deal it is!

And just a special note to say I could never even have a budget, or survive a month without help from all of the special people that God always puts in our path. This month, especially, thank you, thank you, thank you to Mary J., Anonymous post marked Hartford, John N., and Catherine in Texas. God bless you guys!!!

Book Sale

2011-05-19T16:50:00.000-04:00

I have a bunch of these hanging around, and I could reeeaaallly use the money, so I am selling at a huge discount. Get 'em while they're hot!

http://www.amazon.com/11-My-Own-Kristin-Bothur/dp/B003Y0PNTG/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1305838053&sr=8-2

Ebay, help me, you're all I've got

2011-05-19T13:14:00.001-04:00

http://cgi.ebay.com/Diamond-Anniversary-Band-/120726865014?pt=US_Fine_Rings&hash=item1c1be1c476

Here is what I listed today. There has been no child support processed since May 6th. There has been no child support processed at the proper amount, ever. My attorney is on vacation until May 31st. Support Enforcement hasn't called me back. The one job who actually called me for an interview hired me at $8.25 an hour, and then scheduled me for 8 hours, over two days which isn't really worth the gas. The state just subtracted $420/month from my food money for no apparent reason. I have no oil (which means hot water) on one side of my house.

Over the past 4 1/2 years I have sold everything of any value that I owned. I am still selling books and videos here and there on Amazon, which doesn't amount to much. I do have orientation at a much better job next week, but with no guaranteed hours.

The economy is terrible, that is obvious. Who ever thought gas would be over $4 a gallon in this lifetime? When we were teenagers jobs were everywhere. I have two teens who can't find work for minimum wage anywhere. These two will start college next semester, and there will be no help whatsoever from their "father" who cut Derek and Ian off without a penny towards their education, not so much as a pencil.

I know I just recently posted about God always providing for us, because he has, but things rapidly got worse, if one can even believe that. I always had an emergency fund, stashed away from the many generous gifts of friends, who were kind enough to provide for us, when the one who was supposed to didn't and wouldn't. That went to oil this winter. I have no savings, and now, no oil. I have no retirement, life insurance, stocks, cd's, no home in my name, nothing. I have nothing. It's really, really terrifying lately, how much nothing I have, and how it came to this. Tbj took everything my parents worked their whole lives for. Everything. Their house. Their savings. Their investments. He took them and he lost them and then he left.

I'm hoping that the one thing I have left of them will get us through to the next miracle.

Jordan's First Holy Communion

2011-05-17T08:28:00.000-04:00

Last night at our Novena Mass. She had been asking for it for quite a while. Father told her she had to learn her Act of Contrition, which she did in two days saying she, "learned it in her heart and not her head."

My 100th try for a decent group shot.

Us and a couple extras with Father after Mass.

Jordan's Godparents.

Judgement, the 8th Deadly Sin

2011-05-16T12:07:00.001-04:00

A little over four years ago now I was told by a priest to "Take the plank out of my own eye." He was referring to the fact that I had been married before tbj, had children from that relationship, and therefore, obviously must have slept with someone other than my present husband. He told me this when he learned tbj was having an extra-marital affair, while our youngest was an infant and our marriage was a sacrament.

He was judging me based on the monologue tbj had just related to him under the guise of "confession" about me. All lies, of course. My point being, if one doesn't know one's past, where one stands in his personal walk with the Lord, his crosses and how he overcomes them daily, and his heart, how can one dare to open his mouth about this person? Words are damaging. Words remain with a wounded party for a very long time. Words hurt.

Remember the old rhyme, "Sticks and stones..." Well, that's crap.

A theme well-loved by my present pastor is: “What other people think about you is none of your business.” I'm not sure where this quote originally came from, but Father often references it in his homilies. He is telling us to not pay attention when people gossip about us, or worry when people don't like us. Of course, that assumes it is when we know we are doing the right thing. That is, doing the right thing according to our abilities, being damaged, broken people on this earth, fighting the inclination to sin. This lesson from Father is a difficult one, because we almost always do care what people think about us. Especially when they broadcast their opinions to others we know.

"That family is bad-news, stay away from them. The older girls are fine, in spite of the poor work-ethic of the father and the mother being a slob, but the boys are drug-addicts and won't ever get a decent job." This was a directed to my daughter when she expressed a passing interest of a certain boy. "They are so cheap. We alsways invite people over and they can't ever reciprocate." This told of their best friends. "They have become so stand-offish and holier than thou. They're snobs who think they're better than everyone." About other close friends. "We can't stand him, he's a know-it-all who can't support a family, we just put up with him because we like his wife." These were all told in my presence by church-going Catholics who have also damaged my reputation, or attempted to. I have enough success damaging my own.

“Neither evil tongues, Rash judgments, nor the sneers of selfish men, Nor greetings where no kindness is, nor all The dreary intercourse of daily life, Shall e'er prevail against us." William Wordsworth. This should be my new mantra, as well as the following:

“Only a kind person is able to judge another justly and to make allowances for his weaknesses. A kind eye, while recognizing defects, sees beyond them.” Fr. Lawrence G. Lovasik.

Please, Lord, let me be kind in turn. The court-ordered psychologist wrote in his report that I "see everything as black or white, and never see the grey." He meant, I see things as either right or wrong. Period. And this is true. Things are right or wrong, according to God's Law, and in that sense there or no grey areas: I had an affair because my wife/husband doesn't love me enough, I stole that ipod because I can't afford one and I deserve one, I had an abortion because I couldn't support a baby." Those are all excuses for wrongs, which are still wrong.

Here though, is the entire point: "I" (not necessarily me, could be anyone) slept around, took drugs, slandered my neighbor, lied, etc. etc. BUT I am deeply sorry, I will try my best to do better, I will do my penance before my God, and I know the right way now. Because you may have known me when, or I was gutsy enough to admit my failings in the past, please rightly judge me for who I am now.

Fr. Donald Calloway, and the gifted writer Heather King are self-professed drug-addicts, alcohol abusers, and all have had multiple sex partners, yet now they are all practicing Catholics, striving to do what is right (white) while openly talking about what they have done wrong (black) for the purpose of expiation and the sanctification of other souls. We all have a past, hopefully we will all put it behind us, and the others we know will let it stay there.

Price

2011-05-11T14:18:00.000-04:00

$4560. That's how much tbj owes me since the modification ruling two months ago, to increase his child support. $1740 is what he owes me from the income tax amendment he made me go through and then defaulted on. And of course, because it is me (a.k.a. Mrs. Murphy), the court lost my contempt motion to actually receive the money I was ordered to get. So I have to wait, most likely indefinitely, for the court to ever enforce the order.

Which is something Susan does not understand. My attorney told me to forget trying to convince the one responsible for my children's rights (namely, food, shelter and clothing) that I have no money. I cannot put $4.29/gal of gas into my 12-year-old Suburban and drive an hour to Kidsafe/court/family relations constantly because the "man" who wanted all of these kids (as some sort of narcissistic status symbol of his sireability), does not want to actually be responsible for them.

Maybe she will understand this:

Tbj owes me $6300 since January. He owes me $55,000 from 12/07 - 9/09 when I went on state. He owes the state $15,000 for having to pay me when he didn't, less than half of what he should have. He owes his old attorney $75,000. He owes YOU, Susan, $6,000. He owes the State of CT (from tax bills I receive because he illegally used my name, $12,000 from '07 and '08 with interest at about $300 a month. He owes the IRS several thousand from not filing at all from 2007 - 2010. He owes $9000 on a car he told the court was repossessed and is parked in front of his apartment. He owes $1700 to Boflex for the equipment he purchased to attempt to look buff four-and-a-half years ago so he could leave me for a woman over a decade younger who would soon leave him.

So considering he owes $200,000 plus the bills I don't know about, and one cannot bankruptcy themselves from child support or taxes, and he is making $2300/week from the Dept. of Labor records, and driving around in a new car while texting on his Blackberry, do you not see something wrong here? Will you not leave me alone with your Gestapo-esque manner and actually do your job, which is supposedly advocate for children?!

I was just hired recently and went through orientation today for the only establishment that would give me a chance. I have a BA in English. I worked for two years as a cemetery manager. The 20 before that I devoted to my children. I have no experience, skills, or luck. I will make minimum wage. I just lost $420/month in food money, for no apparent reason, as food prices increase by the minute. I will provide for 10 on the same amount per MONTH that tbj hordes for himself per WEEK. And you will continue to let it happen, Susan, because you never had to worry about money.

I don't need much. There's nothing much I even want. (Although a decent camera to capture the ever-changing children adequately would be nice). I'm not even particularly worried, because God ALWAYS provides for us. I just want the people who work for our broken system (and I do know they read this) to see the injustice they inflict on kids who are not allowed to have a proper advocate.

The party

2011-05-08T08:45:00.000-04:00

Preparing the pigs on the eve of the party.

I have to wait til tomorrow?

I actually found pig plates and cups at Walmart.

Waiting for the guests to arrive.

Clare's here!

A very happy Dominic, Clare and cake.

John Paul and Jordan.

Presents.

No more tricycle.

The older boys.

My baby is 5!

2011-04-30T17:40:00.000-04:00

It doesn't seem possible. I could have had two more babies by now (my other children constantly remind me, when they feel Dominic is being spoiled). But the fact is, he is the last. And now he's 5. And not a baby any longer, but a happy, loving boy who has no idea that there are any problems in his life, whatsoever.

Dominic shortly after tbj left.

Dominic last week.

Happy Blessed Easter!

2011-04-24T09:43:00.000-04:00

From the girls,

and the boys.

Dominic

Jordan

Trinity

Liam

Cassidy

Connor

Those (almost) teenage boys do not like to pose.

What did he get?!

He really was happy with the Latin items in his basket.

That's a teenage boy smile. Right, Brandon?

Courtney

Spoon Man.

Good Friday and Holy Saturday

2011-04-23T15:36:00.000-04:00

Leaving for the Liturgy of the Word.

The way a church should look during Passiontide.

Getting ready for the vigil.

Blessing of the Easter basket food for tomorrow's dinner. An Eastern European tradition.

Derek's friend from the cemetery hunted him down just to deliver this (still hot) pastry she made for him this morning. We are very blessed to have friends like Lu and Mary, who get us through Christmas and Easter in a special way. See you tonight, ladies. Thank you!