Vote, please

I was told by a certain child of mine that my blog says "11 on my own," so why do I continually have a picture of 10?  I like the line, but it's hard to zoom and with 11 it really is a distant shot.  So after many difficulties (you try organizing my bunch for a picture, it's torture), they all were home for about a half hour of daylight and I got them assembled.  Then, of course we added Christy and Declan, which makes 13.  So... which picture of the three should be my blog shot?

Kick me when I'm down, Connecticut

It has been 45 days since I received child support.  Support Enforcement still has not called me back.  The jobs I applied to have not called me back.  Our 55 degree weather decided to go away and leave snow in its place.  I need oil (amongst other things). 

There was a small light called the Federal Tax Return.  I subbed for part of the year, nothing substantial, and because I am exempt on my W2, having 9 dependants, I knew I wasn't getting much back.  $394 to be exact, due yesterday in direct deposit.

This morning it wasn't there.  The IRS website tells me it was confiscated to pay for back state taxes.  2006 state taxes, when I was still married.  January 1, 2007 is when tbj left, then he quickly filed the federal return, got back $9900, forged my name, took his girlfriend to the Dominican Republic, bought her a diamond ring, and never paid the state tax that was due, and now 6 years later has accrued interest and penalties and totals $6000.

Of course I was getting notices about this all along.  Which I of course brought up a million plus times in court, which I of course called and talked to the state IRS people about, which I also of course wrote and sent in documents stating how I didn't work in 2006, or the 20 years before that, how I was an innocent spouse, and how I had been fighting for my half of the $9900 for years to no avail.

And of course the glorious state of CT, who won't give me any aid in raising the 8 minor children I alone am responsible for, takes my $394 that would give us heat for March to pay tbj's bill.

Are you surprised?

Shabby Apple

One of my favorite dress sites (that I've never ordered from) is having a giveaway on the Broken Fortress Blog.  I love Shabby Apple dresses, although they are like everything else, out of my price range.  Courtney loves them, too.  Some day, some day.  Here is my wishlist, so you can see how cool (and modest) the dresses are.  If you click on them, it will take you to the site.

Upper East Side SKU: ML005		M		$72.00
Aristocrat SKU: SA058 Notes: FINAL SALE ITEM. NO EXCHANGES OR RETURNS.		M		$59.00
Ph.D SKU: SAD272C	Dark Navy	M		$84.00
Champs Elysees SKU: SA130

Hedonism

I'm sure I'm not guilty of it.  Do I want to be happy in this life?  It would be nice.  Do I want my children to be happy?  Of course I do.  Do I go out of my way to seek pleasure?  Absolutely not.

I received a comment on my blog the other day that I did not publish.  (Remember a while back I wrote a disclaimer about publishing "anonymous" comments?  Well, I sometimes do if they're nice)!  Anyway, this person was criticizing me for spending $139 on a Mystic Aquarium membership and for taking my children out to dinner on their birthdays.

Well, I distinctly wrote that we got free passes when Ian opened a bank account a few months back.  I said that I thought it was interesting that the aquarium offered single-parent family passes, as I had never seen that before.  As I had to drive to a birthday party in the same town (where we all were served a very nice dinner, which was well worth the gas) I figured that day would be a good day to use our passes.

As for birthdays: parties are expensive.  We alone, out of sheer size, make a party.  Providing food for everyone's friends 11 times a year is overwhelming.  Never mind cake, activities, goody bags, etc.  So far this year, we have had three birthdays.  I took Cassidy out for sushi with a gift card I received for Christmas.  I took Ian to Justin's restaurant.  First 2 birthday dinners: $0.  Brandon picked a small Indian place which didn't even have a liquor license.  We had dessert at home.  So for 3 children I spent $40.  In the grand scheme of things, maybe that is self-indulgent and irresponsible of me.  How dare I accept food stamps when I actually dare to give my children some quality time and a remembrance of the day they were born?  Anonymous, who wrote they were "shaking their head in disbelief" over how I could be so foolish, don't read my blog if I offend you so much.

You wrote that you were a SAHM worrying about retirement and college.  Well, I assume that means you have a husband, who has an income.  I don't worry about college and retirement.  I worry about toilet paper and gas.  I worry about shampoo and kids' feet growing.  But gosh-darnit, I am not going to let my kids go through this vale of tears life not having a birthday, or ever being able to have an excursion outside of this house.  Foolish, maybe.  Do I feel guilty? Nope.

Yes, I get food stamps.  $600/month to feed 11 people.  Yes, I get state insurance.  Support enforcement has tried for 5 years to get someone to cover the children.  Never has.  And on top of that, it has been 40 days since a penny of child support has been paid.  Support enforcement is not doing a bloody thing about it, either.  Of course, I've called. 

In the mean time, aside from cooking, cleaning, washing dishes and clothes, homeschooling, and basically raising a multitude of children, I have been applying for any and every job I can.  I applied and was accepted as a tutor.  I spent a great deal of time being certified in English Literature, grammar, spelling, phonics, reading, and proofreading.  For the past month, all of the jobs in my area have been for math, chemistry, and physics.  I applied to be an elderly caregiver.  I applied at the grocery store.

Someone suggested that if it is so bad around here, I should move where it's cheaper to live and where there are more jobs.  Where's that?  How do I move 11 people with no where to go and nothing to do when I get there?  How do I get a job that pays enough to provide food, clothing, and shelter with benefits, for all of us, when the last job I had paid $300/week and it is the only job experience I've had in 20+ years?!

Sorry for the rant, and sorry for being so defensive, but my children go without A LOT.  They deserve a little happiness.  Hedonism is out of our reach.

My Lenten Plan

Meménto, homo, quia pulvis es, et in púlverem revertéris.

What I am giving up: All desserts, snacks, my nightly bowl of popcorn, second helpings, alcoholic beverages and meat. 

What I am adding: The praying of the Seven Penitential Psalms, Friday Stations of the Cross, Night Prayer (in addition to Morning & Evening Prayer).

What I will try to accomplish: Daily Mass, daily rosary, not yelling, going to one of my parish Lenten studies.

What I will read:

Why can I never get my pictures to line up properly?  Anyway, I found a new love: The BBC movie.  Last  night was a girl's night where we ate popcorn, nachos, and chocolate cookies for Fat Tuesday and watched this:

Four hours of amazingness with nothing scandalous, whatsoever.  It is a very close second to Pride & Prejudice, my all-time favorite.  I highly recommend it. 

Mystic Aquarium on President's Day

When the entire colony of New England decided to go.  A while ago, when Ian had to open a bank account, I made him do it at the bank that was giving away Mystic passes.  Why did we pick yesterday to finally go?  Being homeschoolers we usually shoot for doing things when the rest of the world is in school.  Yet, on the weekends I usually have 13 children instead of just 11, so we picked yesterday because a) the extra kids were available, and b) we were invited to a Mardi Gras birthday party in the same town later in the day (including the extra guys, we all know each other). 

 It had been a while since we had been there.  So the little ones had a great time.  That place is expensive.  It's like $28 a person.  Yet, there was something I noticed under the Family Pass, which we always opt for seeing as how it is so cost-effective for our group, that they had a single-parent family rate, $30 less than a regular one.  Anyway, I thought that was interestingly cool.

 Belugas were back.

The eleven kids of the day.

Petting a baby shark.

Derek pointed out that this is my fish.  Can you see what it says?  Elephant nose.  Nice child I have, huh?

That's what he looks like.

 Trin is always stylin'.

Mistik Village.  Who would have guessed it was February?

 The birthday house had what we used to, and miss dearly: goats!

 And sheep!

Mardi Gras came a day early.

King cake.

Cassidy got her toes Mardi-grased.

Liam made a new friend, who is exactly like him.



Chick flicks, immorality, and my need for a life.

So last night, Saturday night, Ian was at a friend's, Derek was out with his girlfriend, Courtney was grounded because of being out too late the weekend before, Brandon and Connor had a friend over, Cassidy had a friend stay over, Liam was at a birthday party, the little girls were at a different birthday party, and the only ones who had nothing at all to do were me and the 5-year-old, and of course, grounded-girl.

So what does one do with absolutely no money, when Redbox means gas, and Justin stole back his Netflix account?  Borrow movies from your teenage daughter's friend: Chick flicks.  Fast forward to four hours of my life I will never get back.  Or as T.S. Eliot said, "Where is the life lost in living?" 

First we watched this one.  I think it was rated PG.  Obviously it's about two girls getting married.  At the beginning of the movie, they are both single.  And both living with their boyfriends.  They are both planning their dream weddings and end up with the reception being on the same day, so they can't be each other's maid-of-honors, and they try to ruin each other's weddings because neither one will give up her dream.  Such treachery as sending the other chocolate in her fiance's name, so she'll get too fat to fit into her wedding gown, or sneaking into the tanning salon to make the other orange are what the women resort to.  It's petty, juvenile, materialistic crap.  And boy do I feel guilty for not having spent that time reading a good spiritual classic.

However, I sat on my butt for another two hours and watched this one, which of course was worse.  What is it about getting sucked into a bad storyline that just makes you unable to just hit eject?  The woman in this story hires a male escort to accompany her to her sister's wedding so she can make her ex-boyfriend (who is the best man), jealous.  I'm sure you can totally predict what happens.  I will give it away anyway, and ruin it for you, because I wouldn't want to advocate any of you actually wasting your time or conscience on this one.  She falls in love with the escort, only after sleeping with him, of course.  Her parents put them in the same bedroom, her middle-aged mother didn't want to appear "stodgy."  Of course every single dress or outfit worn by every single female in the entire movie was, to the the least, skanky.  Every last one.  Even the wedding gown. 

Give me Pride & Prejudice anytime.  There is nothing more sexy than a man who doesn't expect a woman to sleep with him before marriage so they can try each other out.  There is nothing more sexy than leaving to the imagination what is thrust in most every audience's face nowadays.  Usually I go to Kids-in-Mind or the imdb parent's warning site's to thoroughly check out a movie before I let it into my house.  These however, were PG, and most of the kids weren't home.  What could be the problem?  It just goes to show how immune and unaffected mainstream audiences are to premarital sex, cohabition, immodesty, materialism, and downright lack-of-values.   

I have to not let my boredom get the better of me.  I don't have television for the very reason I shouldn't have been watching these movies last night.  Sometimes one is too exhausted to do anything but veg in front of a screen.  Usually at the end of a day, my picking up a book is insurance I will soon be asleep.  I can't tell you how often we have run through The Waltons and Little House series, while I crochet, knit, or iron, to keep from feeling I'm wasting time. 

"Hell begins on the day when God grants us a clear vision of all that we might have achieved, of all the gifts which we have wasted, of all that we might have done which we did not do."
Gian Carlo Menotti

I need a life.  And here I will digress a little.  I have a dear friend who struggles with infertility, yet has an amazing husband.  I have amazing children, yet struggle with loneliness.  Through many years of self-help books, homilies, and lectures on Catholic family living, it has been preached that one's husband is more important than one's children, long after your children are grown and gone, your husband will be there. 

Hence my reason for needing a life outside of my children and trashy Hollywood mainstream movies.

Happy Birthday, Brandon!

In keeping with our tradition, Brandon got his gifts:

Two Dead Can Dance CD's,

 And John Cage's Essays on Silence.

He chose to go to dinner here.

And wanted cheesecake for dessert.

(Thank goodness that I had purchased everything a while ago)!

The state of frustration

So yesterday I spent the morning at social services.  It was a very difficult decision.  I occasionally get the comment on here that goes like "It was my choice to have 11 kids, I shouldn't expect the taxpayers to pay for them."  That and the fact that I know this state is a joke with their "assistance," and what one is expected to do to be entitled to any "help." 

I took my number and had a seat.  I was number 55 and before I was called in they were up around 80.  Everyone around was commenting on how they had never seen it so slow.  It was my first time at this office, as I haven't had the pleasure of needing "assistance" since we moved.  After about two hours of trying to read in the waiting room, and not being able to due to a lively discussion behind me between three friends who were all applying and discussing their latest job walk-off, live-in boyfriend, son's boyfriend, and daughter's pregnancy peppered with more f-words than Boondock Saints before I shut it off, I was called in.

I explained that I wanted to apply for cash assistance because I hadn't received child support in 5 weeks.  I also explained that I had a few job applications pending and that I only received $600 in food because the state felt I was making so much.  The truth was, I had not seen a penny in 5 weeks.  The man was very nice.  Too nice.  He made me a flow chart and explained the difference between men and women.  He said that because women spend 75% of their time on their kids, the men eventually leave to find a new honey who will give them back the 100% they got when first married.

OK.  Can I please get some help?  Can I feed my children?  Well Courtney is in community college, he noticed, reading my application.  Yes, but she is 17 and lives at home, doesn't drive, and still homeschools, as well.  College kids don't get food stamps, all college kids would be on them.  Sigh.  And you need to spend 4 hours at Jobs First, learning how to fill out an application before we can approve you, and we have 45 days to approve you.  Or not.

I explained that I had gone to this Jobs First class last year, and that I was waiting to hear from the applications I had out there already.  Didn't matter, he says, when he got that job, he was an MBA and he had to learn how to sharpen a pencil all over again.  If I don't go, I won't even be considered.  And did I know that they are supposed to have 8 men on, but they only have 3?  And if he does intake all day, they can't answer phones.  And if they answer phones, they can't process paperwork.  So don't call.  In 45 days, I might get $280/week to pay my bills, if I go to this seminar and prove I spend 35 hours a week actively looking for employment (in eastern CT where the job ads are shorter than Brandon's last essay). 

Fine.  I knew it was not going to amount to anything, but I have 11 children.  10 I feed on a regular basis.  8 minors.  It's a mild winter, but still winter.  Heat, hot water, showers and dishes and laundry all take oil.  Oil is an average of $570 a month.  Then there's rent.  Electric.  Phone.  Not to mention gas to get these college kids to school and look for these jobs, toilet paper, clothes, shoes, you get the picture.  I explained that it was not my choice to have these 11 kids alone.  I explained that I was home, doing God's work for 20-odd years, and that my BS in English gets me squat around here, especially with no experience.  I actually ventured to ask this dude's opinion about what he thinks I should do.

"Get a T.V. show," he answered. 

When Justin cooks...

It takes a lot of preparation.

And it always turns out amazing.

(Pan fried Cajun catfish with red potato dill salad and braised kale with bacon).

Except for what he leaves behind.

Happy St. Valentine's Day!

This weekend

We baked.

And we cooked.

 

 The sous chef.

The master chef.

The cutie.

How many five-year-olds are excited about organic chicken sausage over wild rice with fresh chopped shallots and jalapenos in a coconut curry sauce?

Hope everyone had as joyful a weekend!