In the beginning, when tbj walked out complete with our life savings, leaving me home with ten minor children, an adjustable mortgage, and no marketable job skills, I applied for cash assistance with the State of Connecticut. After a lengthy application, where I had to give explicit details about my children, my finances, and myself, I was told that I would qualify for a couple hundred dollars a week, provided I didn't receive child support, and would not get housing assistance, energy assistance, or any other type of assistance, because "the State didn't do that." I was also told, that since I "owned" my own home, the State would put a lien on my house for every penny that they would give me so when I sold my house someday, they would get it all back. I walked out of their that day without any assistance, I would hire a lawyer and take my chances with child support.
You all know that story.
After working for two years, and having my house fall into foreclosure due to unpaid child support and unpaid real estate taxes, both tbj's court-ordered responsibility, I was tired of neglecting my children and spending most of my week out of the home just to eventually lose it. I was informed by some well-meaning people that Support Enforcement would be more apt to go out and make tbj pay if I was on Cash Assistance. So I went and applied again. I would qualify, as a family of 10, for $300 a week. I would receive this money monthly through a credit-type card, and if tbj paid his support, I would not receive this cash, because he was being ordered to pay $340 a week at this point and whichever was more is what I would get. If the State did have to pay me, then tbj would have to pay them back. The State does not give away money. There is no welfare system. In addition to the constant paperwork, I am required to report to job training services monthly and prove I am looking for work, work that will support 10 people. After 21 months, I am on my own again, to support my family without the benefit of the state, or tbj. Tbj will still be required to pay the state back for supporting the children he abandoned.
So as to all of the negative, non-published, anonymous comments I have received due to the ridiculous wording of the Courant article: Your tax dollars are not supporting the children I chose to have.
By the way, I was not sitting idly by collecting welfare and not working. I was writing a book, which was to support my children until, ... well, you know that story, too.
That any mother of ten should be "sitting idly by" under any circumstances is preposterous! Did someone really SAY this?!
ReplyDeleteYou know what? If you were receiving public assistance that would be EXACLTY what it is for, people in crises, especially the kind of crisis you were facing. (And for record, that is the kind of charity mandated and rewarded by God in Scripture.) If anyone wanted to be aggravated they should aim their sites on your children's father- obviously his failure to do his duty is the reason tax payers might have at any time supported you or them. It is more than clear what the reality is here. I appreciate that posted this information though- good to know!
ReplyDeleteKristin, people are SO confused about "Welfare".
ReplyDeletePeople seem to think that there really IS still such a thing, and as you say in this post, there isn't. I was under that mistaken assumption myself until my husband of 15 years [as you know] walked out and left me with 6 very young children to raise completely alone - and I went through what you went through [only in GA I was only qualified for $400 a MONTH total to support 7 people]. I chose to for-go that support also and never took ONE DIME of that "cash assistance".
I think it is really bizarre the culture that we live in too - your Ex and my Ex both live apparently without any societal disapproval - they walked out and left 11 children and 6 children, respectively, and abandoned their families. NOBODY says "boo" to them. [My husband is very popular in his new state with his girlfriend - he lives high on the hog and parties all the time].
Yet you and I both have had to deal with accusations of "sucking up tax dollars" because of this imaginary "Welfare" that people assume we are on. Isn't that lovely?
So the men who abandon the children walk off free and clear and the women who stay behind to try to RAISE these fatherless children [and feed them and keep some sort of roof over their heads] get persecuted. Not only do we live in poverty - serious poverty - but we get those "looks" every where we go - single mom with a bunch of kids - MUST be a "Welfare Queen", right?!!!
Ugh. Sorry. I'll stop ranting now. I feel your pain though.
Kristen,
ReplyDeleteAgain I will tell you that YOU are an inspiration to women every where that are dealing with the same situation. Don't listen to any negative that is intentionally hurtful and unjustified!! We all love you and every day I come to your blog to have my spirits lifted...you are doing God's work and He is the only one that any of us has to answer to.
Thank you for sharing this information. It's really helpful.
ReplyDeleteIn a Catholic milieu, public assistance to single mothers can be justified as a moral imperative, as the presumption is one of genuine hardship, not of their own cause, and where the public interest favors her staying at home with her children. This has been the position in traditional Catholic moral teaching for many years, as defended by the late Dr William Marra, to name one proponent. Its reputation over last half century, unfortunately, has been marred by gradual dependency spanning generations. Hence the trend toward "workfare" programs of dubious merit.
ReplyDeleteThe more united you are to God, the more you will get attacked. Don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteAnd if they're going to be anonymous posters? Yeah, that's gutsy! Not!!!
Kristin--
ReplyDeleteDon't let the Hartford Courant commenters get you down. Faithful Catholics are behind you and praying for you.
James B. from Enfield
It's easy for anonymous people to post judgmental comments without even having the facts straight. The fact that you have 11 children already makes society uncomfortable. It is "morally wrong" in this society to have too many children. Also it's like those who dare to follow God's will in everything are kind of a slap in the face to those who don't want to. It makes them mad.
ReplyDeleteIt's easy for people to be nasty annonymously or with stupid, non-identifying names like "brownbits." Their shots are cheap, don't buy them.
ReplyDeleteMary
marynate.blogspot.com
Unfortunately, if your had passed away, you would fare better. We know someone who has 8 children was struggling like yourself and her ex husband died. Well, she began receiving the Social Security benefits and she now lives like a queen, doesn't work, takes trips everywhere on this public money. Because it is a lot. Women like you deserve better. There are some out there that don't deserve it, or waste it. God take care of you and your children.
ReplyDelete